


Doki Doki Love Love Story!

by Avescor



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Action/Adventure, BL, Bianchi is Tsuna's new bff, Humor, In the name of love!, M/M, Mafia Boss Sawada Tsunayoshi, Moved from FFn, Moved from FanFiction.net, No Incest, Romance, Shounen-ai, Tsundere uke with trust issues, Yandere, Yandere Tsuna, Yaoi, dying will flames are genetic, evil twin brother trope, former mafia boss Tsuna, genetic dying will flames are canon, he wants only one thing right now and it is not Vongola
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:27:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23490901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avescor/pseuds/Avescor
Summary: Sawada Ieyasu is the handsome, athletic, and popular twin of Dame Tsuna and the future Vongola Decimo. He regularly shouts at and picks on Tsuna. Worst of all, he refuses to call him "onii-chan". Why does Tsuna put up with this blatant disrespect and abuse?  Because Ieyasu is his one and only, cute and adorable tsun tsun bride, not his brother. It's a misunderstanding."No matter how much you try to run away Ie, no matter how much you hit me, I still love you..." A besotted Tsuna once said.Ieyasu wanted to scream. No. No. Stay in your damn corner! Don't come any closer! He grabbed the shower head and wielded his makeshift weapon."Stay away from me, you freak...or I'll-I'll fucking destroy you!""Ahhh you're so cute...."It was worth it to blow up the other bathroom for this.Evil twin brother story with a twist. The title is entirely sarcastic.TsunaxMale!OC.
Relationships: Sawada Tsunayoshi/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 101





	1. Pilot: Sawada Ieyasu

**Author's Note:**

> As you can see, I got sick of having to manage two accounts on two sites when only one has the majority of the stories (AO3). I am moving this over. Then I promise I'll get a new chapter out for any reader willing to move sites with me and bookmark.

**Author's Note (edited 6/24/19):** This was originally the pilot, then it became a full blown story. I promise the writing gets better. Probably. At least, I think I've improved. This story is a twist on the usual "evil brother" story, with all the tropes included. Be warned: not all of them will be played straight, but some will be.

I have a few arcs planned and I release chapters only when I'm certain I can finish it. Please enjoy!

 **Edit 3/23/2019:** Tsuna's nickname for Ieyasu was changed from "Yasu" to "Ie" so that I as the author do not get confused when brainstorming for a different story where Primo's generation is reincarnated.

* * *

**Pilot Chapter 1: Sawada Ieyasu**

Reborn peered at the football field through his spyglass. Sawada Ieyasu, the younger twin and most qualified candidate for Decimo. The teen was most aptly named. Beneath the sunlight, you could see his blond hair gleam from a mile away.

In his file, it was said that he was the spitting image of his great ancestor, but what Reborn himself saw...the tutor frowned. There was technically nothing wrong with Sawada Ieyasu. He consistently scored in the top ten of his year mates, all save his Japanese. Given that he was all but raised in Italy until the past few years, this was to be expected. This was easily remedied.

His athleticism was beyond excellent. Peerless, even. Powerful, strong, fast, and even flexible. Nearly all of the major traits, he already had. All the other athletic clubs were consistently begging for him to help in their games or practices, which he did with little fuss.

As a result, his relationships with his classmates-both male and female-were very good. He was popular amongst his female classmates for his good-looks and sophisticated manners. Usually there would be some jealousy in his male classmates because of it, but all of them genuinely admired him and found him a worthy target for the girls' affections.

* * *

The best way to describe his target would be like this:

"Sawada Ieyasu?" The pimply teen's face brightened. "Oh! You mean Ie! He's part of my study group. We meet every week." Sheepishly, the teen scratched his face. "He helps me with my calculus. I know I'm older than him...but he really knows his math."

"Sawada Ieyasu?" A dreamy sigh. "He's absolutely perfect!"

"He has a six pack and beat up the entire Yumei Karate team last week. On his own." The teen leaned in to whisper, "I was there."

"I hear he inherited his blond hair from _European royalty_." The girl gushed.

"I hear he does fashion modeling. In France."

"His favorite play is Giselle." A flash of glasses. "He watched it with us at the European club last week."

"One time, he bumped into Hibari-san in the hallway when he was late. _And Hibari-san moved out of the way_."

"One time, he kicked me in the face." A goofy smile split across the teen's face. "It was awesome."

His friend scowled. "Dude. He's your brother."

* * *

On paper, he was too good to be true. And Reborn's many, many years of experience working as a freelance hitman taught him this: what was too good to be true, usually was.

His suspicions were confirmed the moment he arrived at the Sawada home.

"I'm here to train your son."

"Oh my!" The mother said, "you're here to train Su-chan?"

Not a word of the other teen hunched over the breakfast table. When the hit-man glanced at him, his mother smiled and prodded the teen. Beside him, Ieyasu scowled and went back to his breakfast, ignoring his tutor.

That was strange. Originally, when he'd seen Reborn, his face had lit up into such a pleasant smile it was like watching the sun rise. He'd been polite and well-mannered, speaking in fluent Italian. The epitome of the perfect student and son. What was with this cold behavior!?

"Tsu-kun! Guess who came?"

The teen mumbled a bit before going back to sleep. It took a little more persistent prodding before he woke up. "Tsu-kun" eyed Reborn warily. He was a brunette with spiky hair and a bloodshot eyes. There was a bruise on the side of his head-newly formed. The remnants of a black eye covered his left face like a scar. He smiled. Timidly.

"Nice to meet you, Reborn-san. You can call me Tsuna."

"I look forward to working with you."

"Aren't you going to greet your new tutor, Ie?" Tsuna asked quietly.

Ieyasu shook his head. "No!" He glared at Tsuna before turning to his mother with a brilliant smile. "Sorry Maman, but I have to go get ready for school. I'll see you after."

A loving kiss on the cheek that had Nana giggling and then the boy was back to being angry. He brushed past Reborn and stormed upstairs, but not before giving his older brother a truly nasty look. The Arcobaleno watched the rest of the family members. Tsuna returned to his meal, slowly chipping away at the food spread before him. Meanwhile, there was an amused smile on the mother's face, as if she were watching a show.

It was almost as if Tsuna wasn't her son.

"Do you want to join us, Reborn-san?" Tsunayoshi asked politely.

"I'd be happy to." He said simply.

This was the perfect opportunity to gather information. Something was telling him that this assignment was not as clean cut as its file implied. When Ieyasu had brushed past him earlier, there had been scrapes on his knuckles, as if he were fighting.

"Ah don't worry," the mother said, "Su-chan is an excellent student. He will definitely listen to you once he calms down."

"I pushed him too far last night." Tsuna lamented as he went back to his omelet.

Nana immediately burst into giggles before returning to the stove to make another batch for the newcomer. He inwardly frowned, even as his face stayed impassive. What kind of household was this? What kind of parent would allow the youngest son to act this way to the older?

From what he'd seen of Iemitsu, the Young Lion would definitely not abide by such a thing. He ran a tight ship: always neat, always clear, and always positive. Lal Mirch's presence as a CEDEF adviser was proof of that. Her pride would never have allowed her to work for anyone lesser.

Unless...Iemitsu didn't know. Or didn't care. From his brief conversation with him, Iemitsu doted on Ieyasu to the point of overindulgence.

A nasty suspicion filled the hitman's mind. As he subtly pumped the sleep-deprived (sleep-deprived people were like drunks, words slipping easily out of their mouths) brunette for information, that suspicion only grew.

"Su-chan was just playing around!" A conspiratorial smile from Nana."You know how boys can get."

No, he most assuredly did not.

By the time Reborn finished and left the still eating Tsuna behind, his mind was already made up. He'd complete the student evaluation and send off his report. If this house really did have an abuse problem...then he would act accordingly, Iemitsu and his doting be damned.

This abuse would continue only over his dead body.

* * *

Ieyasu came back down with his shirt collar buttoned all the way up. By that time, the achingly slow-eating Tsuna had finally finished the bevy of foods laid out for him. The older brother kept his bag resting against his chair. When he'd finally finished eating, he slung that bag across his shoulder and quietly thanked his mother before going off to join his younger brother.

The bratty blond point blank refused.

"No! I've had enough of you!" Shove. "Creep."

"Not going to wait for your brother?" His tutor asked disapprovingly.

"THAT ASSHOLE IS NOT MY BROTHER!" With those angry words, he ran off into the clear morning, kicking up a large dust cloud as he went.

Instead of looking devastated or upset, Tsuna only smiled. "Don't worry, you can go on ahead, Reborn-san. Since you're training him, after all."

Reborn nodded and left to go find his wayward student. By that time, Ieyasu had already reached the school. Just how fast was the boy? At the time, he'd shrugged it off, but later, he realized this had been important evidence to figuring out the mystery behind the Sawada brothers.

* * *

He spent the entire day observing. By the end of the day, he was certain of three things:

**One: Sawada Tsunayoshi could sense him.**

Tsuna looked out the window, bored out of his mind. His amber eyes caught sight of Reborn. He smiled and waved. The hitman nearly dropped his binoculars in shock.

In the seat behind him, Ieyasu frowned and kicked Tsuna's seat.

**Two: Sawada Ieyasu was a complete brat.**

Ieyasu entered the rooftop. He immediately made a beeline for Tsuna, who was sitting alone that day. Tsuna looked up, chopsticks still in his hand. Because Tsuna had his back turned to him, the tutor couldn't make out what he said. Only Ieyasu, who was sitting across from him.

"I lost my lunch," Ieyasu said.

Then, "hand over your lunch, it's the least you can do, you asshole."

And finally, "over my dead body."

Tsuna gave up his lunch with little argument. Reborn frowned. There was something he was missing. Wasn't that interaction...it was a little strange? A little tense? He didn't understand. Tsuna wasn't afraid at all. So why was he letting his younger brother push him around like that?

Lost in his thoughts, the tutor missed the last thing Ieyasu said.

"I'll pay you back."

**Third: Sawada Ieyasu was violent**

Later, he saw them beneath the stairs, in an abandoned corridor after school. The brat was wandering that area (the boy seemed to have wanderlust) and when he saw his brother following him, immediately ran away. When Tsuna grabbed him from behind, the boy whirled around and punched him in the face.

"Ha. I guess I deserved that." Tsuna said.

"..." Ieyasu was damningly silent.

Reborn sat in front of his monitors, shaking out the strange vision that had superimposed over what he'd seen. He murmured to himself, puzzled.

"Why did it somehow look like a virgin defending her chastity?"

**Fourth: Sawada Ieyasu encouraged people to bully his older brother**

After school, Tsuna was cornered by a group of angry schoolmates. Yes, that's right. Not just his classmates, but his schoolmates as well. They were both male and female.

"Stay away from Ie-kun!"

"Haven't you bullied him enough?"

"He couldn't-" a giggle "-walk properly this morning."

There was an innuendo there, but Reborn pretended not to hear it. Ieyasu, seeing the mob corner his brother, snorted and walked off.

"Aren't you going to save him?" His tutor asked mildly.

"Hmph! He deserves it!" He eyed him distrustfully. "Do you know what kind of shit I have to deal with because of him!?"

His ears were bright red, but his tutor was too busy beating him up to notice. At the very least, the boy took these beatings without complaint. When Reborn outlined that he was disrespectful, cowardly, and where he needed to improve in his school work, he'd listened very earnestly. This brings us to the fourth point.

**Fourth: Sawada Ieyasu had two faces. The nasty one he showed Tsuna and the pleasant one he showed the rest of the world.**

"Can I take notes on this?" He'd asked.

Reborn hesitated. "No. You need to remember this enough for it to sink it."

He nodded earnestly. "I will! You can count on me, sir!"

_Why are you so different when it comes to your brother!?_

The only time he spoke up to defend himself was when he was told that "good bosses don't abuse their family members."

"Tell that to _him_." He'd muttered before nodding his head resentfully.

The boy had swallowed his complaints as if it were second instinct. It seemed Iemitsu had taught him some respect, after all. Then why...

"Why were you rude earlier?"

The boy tilted his head and looked up at the sky, index tapping against his cheek. Then finally, he said, almost tactfully, "I was suspicious. Weren't you here because Maman called?"

"It was only a cover." Reborn explained evasively. "I'm actually here for something different. Your father sent me."

Ieyasu nodded. "Then I don't need to be rude, see?" He smiled. "I thought you were going to bully me like the other babies."

"Which baby?"

"The one with the clear pacifier."

Reborn had never heard of such a being. Whatever little good feelings he'd gained from the boy's earnest desire to learn evaporated into the harsh sunlight. Still, he made a mental note to call Aria, whose family had more knowledge of these things than most.

**Fifth: Sawada Ieyasu was a liar(?)**

In short, Sawada Ieyasu was not only disrespectful to his tutor and older brother, he was also two faced, a bully, and allowed others to bully his family without a word. Why then did Reborn get the nagging feeling that there was something even more to this? That this wasn't as simple a case of abuse or a spoiled brat with enabling family members as he believed?

The case of the Sawada Brothers was only getting more and more complicated.

* * *

That night, Tsuna attempted to enter the room. Ieyasu immediately shoved him out and demanded he "keep you henchman in your room, not mine! I deserve some fucking privacy in this household!"

Sometimes, it seemed like the boy resembled the Vongola brothers more than his own. Especially Xanxus. The resemblance was startling, sometimes.

"Why do you put up with this?" Reborn asked Tsuna point blank.

Tsuna smiled. There was a far away look on his face. "Did you know when I was younger, everyone called me Dame-Tsuna?"

The sudden shift in conversation coupled with the intensity in the teen's eyes had him stumped. "Ie never did though. Even though he was new and couldn't speak Japanese very well-"

Yes, Reborn had heard about this. Ieyasu had lived with Iemitsu in Italy until he was about twelve. One son for the husband and the other the wife…until things got too dangerous for the CEDEF head. Then he was shipped back to Namimori to live with the rest of his family.

The Ninth still thought fondly of the little boy that was Ieyasu in the few snatches of time they'd spent together. It was why the boy was the first choice compared to the relatively unknown Tsuna. Vongola had had time to get to know him better.

"-do you know what he said? He said in his broken Chinese, 'don't pick on my onii-sama'. I had to tell him he'd gotten Chinese and Japanese mixed up. It was so cute." Tsuna sighed, disheartened. His eyes were far away, reminiscing. "Back then, he'd always follow me around like a little duckling calling me 'Onii-chan' with that cute face. I guess now that he's grown up, he's decided he doesn't need me anymore."

"You're his big brother. He will always need you."

"I hope so..." There was a strange quality to Tsuna's voice. "I want him to call me Nii-chan again with those shining eyes."

Oh no. Fuck no. Reborn had heard that tone of voice before. He'd heard it many times. Once upon a time, before he was reduced to this form, he'd uttered words in that exact tone...

Indulging, desiring, and...restrained, very oddly restrained, before blooming into downright lustful.

This was not what he signed up for.

That wasn't a tone of voice you used to refer to your brother! That was the tone of voice you used to refer to your sexy bartender who, besides serving you great alcohol, was a beautiful, bombshell of a woman that listened attentively to all your problems. A bartender that was engaged. That was the tone of voice you used to refer to the girl in your class when she said her father said she wasn't allowed to date you until she hit sixteen. That was the tone of voice you used to refer to the woman with the hottest ass in town, but was way too old for your scrawny teenage self.

That was definitely not a tone you used to refer to your brother.

Reborn's brain shut down.

"What." He asked dryly. "Is your relation with him again?"

It was easy to believe that Ieyasu had inherited his aristocratic features from his distant ancestor, Giotto, but it was also true that when you looked at him, he didn't look any different from any random Italian teen you saw on the streets. His features were purely European. Compared to the Tsuna who looked mostly Japanese, with some foreign features mixed in, it was a stark contrast.

Tsuna smiled innocently. "Don't you already know?"

The little shit.

* * *

Nothing passed Tsuna's lips after that. Not one word. His mouth remained stubbornly closed. That only left the younger brother. Reborn confronted the blond brat.

"What is your brother not telling me?" Reborn asked softly, dangerously even.

The boy, without an ounce of fear, glowered at him. On any one else it would've looked dangerous. On him, it only made him look like a wet kitten. He pointedly looked away.

"You were talking to that _man._ " He sulked. "I thought Papa sent you to save me, but clearly you're just here for him. Not me."

"You're talking about Tsuna?" Reborn scoffed. "Don't be childish."

"Of course, I'm talking about that bastard! Who else would I talk about? Papa!?"

The impertinent brat was immediately smacked on the head for that. "Don't talk to me in that tone." Reborn had many things he didn't tolerate and one of them was disrespect. "And I'm not working with your brother in whatever baseless conspiracy you've cooked up in that empty head of yours."

The teen looked skeptical, but stayed silent.

"I'm here to train you to be a world class Mafia boss!"

Ieyasu stared at him in shock.

Halfway through his explanation, when Reborn pulled out the pictures of the brothers, the teen's shoulders began to shake. Sorrow twisted his fine features. Tears began to fall from his clear eyes. Even when crying, that brat looked beautiful.

"They died!?"

Reborn froze. "Oh, that's right. I forgot you knew them."

Shit, he thought. Now what do I do?

The teen broke out into noisy sobs. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

Suddenly it all made sense. Ieyasu didn't consider Tsunayoshi his brother because he considered himself related to the Vongola brothers, who had been with him ever since he was small. He most likely resented being moved away from everyone he knew and was likely homesick. Naturally, he took it out on Tsunayoshi.

"I don't know-"

But it was too late. Ieyasu had already pulled out his phone, shouting "PAPA WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME FEDE DIED!? AND MASSIMO! AFTER WHAT HAPPENED TO ENRICO TOO! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO THEM!? TO ME!? I HATE YOU!"

(Leon immediately turned into a earplugs. )

Iemitsu, on the other line, said something back but the blond was angrily hanging up. And Tsuna? Tsuna kicked down the door (literally, the door was totaled now).

"What happened!? Why are you crying and shouting!?"

The blond immediately latched onto his older brother like a limpet. "FEDE AND MASSIMO DIEEED!" he wailed, "I WASN'T THERE! I COULDN'T SAVE THEM OR DO ANY RITES AND NOW THEY'LL BE STUCK WANDERING THE AFTERLIFE COLD, ALONE, AND AFRAID! HUNTED DOWN LIKE DOGS!"

Tsuna looked at him, looked at Reborn and whatever expression was on Reborn's face.

"Let's sit down and talk, shall we?"

The door closed behind them with an ominous creak.

* * *

Tsuna and Ieyasu knelt on the floor, across from Reborn. The brunette's arm was around the younger boy's. The younger boy was all but cuddled up against Tsuna earlier, holding onto him like a lifeline. When he remembered himself, he untangled their arms and knelt a respectable distance away.

(When Tsuna attempted to wrap him up again, Ieyasu slapped his hand away.)

Ieyasu's face was carefully blank, tears long since wiped away by Tsuna's handkerchief. There was no trace of the upset boy from earlier, only a boy with a straight back and careful poise. Reborn had traveled extensively, met many people and seen many things. Without a doubt, that was the stance of an upper class person. A nobleman's comportment. A nobleman's air. It wasn't something easily replicated. Many prominent bosses had tried and failed to gain this level of ability.

Supposedly, Federico had loved a girl from a fallen noble family. He'd always assumed it came from that. Now, he was not so sure.

"Let's try again. I am Sawada Tsunayoshi, a member of the Main House." Tsuna bowed in a formal fashion. "This is Sawada Ieyasu, my bride. He was adopted into the family."

Said bride bowed stiffly.

"What the hell." Reborn said blankly. How can a boy be a bride!? And why was he a Vongola candidate when he was adopted? Why not Tsuna?

When the mother entered the room and set down their snacks, he thanked her numbly. There was a brief exchange between Sawada Nana and the two boys, but it was as if he was hearing from underwater. None of it made sense. None of any of this made sense!

"Arara, didn't you know? I thought you knew." Nana put her hand on her cheek. "Wasn't that why Iemitsu sent you? To train Su-chan to be Tsu-kun's bride?"

"Ieyasu still hasn't acclimated fully to Japan yet, so that was what I'd thought." Tsuna said, arms folded. His eyes were still smiling. The moment he'd heard "Tsu-kun's bride" he lit up like a lantern.

 _What the hell have I gotten myself into_ was Reborn's thought.

Nana beamed. "Su-chan's done very well for himself." She smiled dotingly at the boy, who flushed in pleasure. "Ah well, then I'll leave you boys to it!"

With little knowledge (or care) of how she dropped that bomb, she left the room, humming softly to herself as she went.

"Are you not related?" Reborn asked, puzzled. "Iemitsu said you were his son and that you and Ie were twins."

"It's just easier to go with that then the truth. In truth, this was merely everybody else's assumptions."

"Explain."

Tsuna scratched the back of his head and folded his arms, eyes thoughtful. "It's hard to believe actually. I'm better off showing you."

"Can we get back to the main point now!?" Ieyasu said angrily. "My family's going to get hunted down and turned into trophy husbands for a horde of horny women in the afterlife instead of being free to rise above into the highest heaven and you're still chatting!?"

"Knowing them, they won't mind." Tsuna said dryly.

Ieyasu tried to shove him out the window. "JUST GO DIE YOU ROTTEN BASTARD! WE! ARE! A! MATRIARCHY! WOMEN ARE SCARY!"

A buzz came from the blond's back pocket. He immediately dropped Tsuna to answer the phone. Tsuna pulled himself out the window and stood up so eagerly you couldn't even see him drop onto the floor.

"Here," Tsuna said, "let me." He reached into Ieyasu's back pocket, making sure to cop a feel while he was at it. Red suffused the blond's pale olive complexion.

"Y-you!" Before he could snatch the phone back, the older boy had already answered it.

"Ah, Dad? Just what have you been telling everyone over at that shit show you call an agency? Hmm?"

Tsuna was still smiling even as his voice darkened. It was mildly impressive.

Reborn snatched the phone away. "Iemitsu, I do not get paid enough for this."

"Ah? But you're doing this as a favor to the Ninth? You're not getting paid at all."

"Exactly." The tutor said grimly. "I'm not getting paid for this at all."


	2. Consent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reborn is not a man to let this shit go that easily. Bring it on, Sawada Tsunayoshi!

**Author Note:** I wanted to make sure this happened because of the worrying trends I notice in BL stories.

* * *

**Chapter 2: Consent**

"What do you mean Primo appeared to you in a dream announcing his successor and told you to take him into your family? Are you telling me you took home some random kid? For a dream!?"

"He's from Primo's family!" The idiot insisted.

"How would you even trace that line? Isn't that line forgotten?"

"Primo told me so in my dream!"

"Are you on drugs? Should I send you to rehab? I did that for Skull once, I can do it for you too."

"Did it work?"

"No." Reborn said dismissively, "he broke out the next day. Apparently, he really can do magic after all."

Suddenly, Iemitsu felt scared. Fear or sweat trickled down his forehead. He wasn't sure. He touched to check.

It was sweat. Sweat from fear!

* * *

According to Iemitsu, Ieyasu was apparently not the boy's actual name. That was in honor of the First, who allowed him to join their family. Iemitsu was not his actual father either ("I am so his father! I practically raised him! He's marrying Tsuna, who is my son!").

"Is Iemitsu from the main house like you?" Reborn asked Tsuna, eerily calm. Work mode had settled over his shoulders. Now was the time to collect data and then act, just as any good hit-man worth his salt would.

Tsuna looked surprised. "Oh no. He's one of the many branches. Not many of us are from the main root anymore."

"What the hell does that mean, main root?"

Tsuna, sensing the agitation behind Reborn's genial face, didn't provoke him any further. The beginnings of a (sarcastic) smile had vanished from his features. Instead, he looked thoughtfully at him before nodding, as if he'd finally come to a decision.

"I'm adopted." He said.

Ah. So that was why he was out of running.

In short, Iemitsu wasn't even Tsuna's blood father and as such did not even have even the tiniest foundation for his delusions. Got it.

* * *

Later that week, the Ninth transferred his hefty payment in one of his bank accounts.

"So little Ieyasu's grown up…" he lamented over the phone, "time flies by so fast."

"Are you…crying?"

"It's been a difficult year for all of us, Reborn. Have a little compassion."

"I don't know that word."

So here our unfortunate tutor from hell was...stuck with these two little troublemakers! Tsuna whose innocent demeanor hid his filthy, filthy perversions from the rest of the world. Ieyasu and his surly personality...that was not nearly as bad as Reborn initially thought. He was motivated, hard-working, and diligent.

A little too much, to be frank.

He was constantly busy, whether with a part time job (with permission from Hibari Kyouya and Hibari's privately amassed army(?)), his own club, and helping out the clubs smart enough to act pitiful when begging for his help. It gave Reborn a great deal of insight on his character, seeing him in so many different environs.

In those environments, he was well mannered and calm. A little naive, but ultimately somebody you could always rely upon to do the job properly. It was only when he was in the Sawada house that he completely lost his composure. Whenever he was faced with anything that reminded him of his fiance, that is. They were going to have to work on that one. You couldn't have a mafia boss losing his shit that easily. All their enemies would know where to hit.

If you asked him to do something at home, he would grumble and refuse until Tsuna - ever the doting type - would do it for him.

"The busy schedule's so he can't ambush me like last time," the boy once explained in fluent Parisian French, "I really do want to learn though, Professor. Please. It's been forever since I've been able to speak and learn from a teacher as well-teaching as you. I think I might have forgotten what I sound like!"

His French seemed a bit rusty, but not bad. At worst, he'd forgotten word or two. Reborn hadn't understood how his French could have deteriorated at first. Then he had the great displeasure of hearing Tsuna speak. Whatever came out of that boy's lips was horrendous and could not be considered French. No wonder Ieyasu was forgetting it!

Had Reborn been the sympathetic type, he might have said something along the lines of: You poor boy. What have they done to you. You do not deserve to have to listen to that monstrosity that person calls French.

Unfortunately, he was Reborn. He did not know mercy. He did not pity. He did not get distracted. "Why are you so angry with Tsuna?"

There was a moment of silence. Finally, "I'm not."

Bullshit.

"Then why are you avoiding him?"

"...to make him suffer. Hmph! He knows what he did wrong."

"That's the very definition of angry you know."

"BUT IF I DON'T-"

"-inside voices, Boy."

"It's none of your business!" Reborn raised an eyebrow. As expected, Ieyasu cracked.

"He's a total pervert and I hate him!"

His tutor put up a hand. "Say no more. I know what horny teenage boys are like."

You give them a little and they take even more. He'd been like that too, once. Since he'd already decided to be Ieyasu's tutor and raise him into a proper Mafia boss, it was important he raise his student well. Give him a good support base to rely on for when he ascended as Decimo. As such, the tutor from hell extended his tender mercies to Tsuna as well. It was only logical, seeing how Tsuna would one day become Ieyasu's…husband (the complexities of succession, he would leave to the Ninth).

In short, Reborn had a Serious Talk to give.

* * *

It took a respectable amount of time before Reborn could hunt him down. Good for him. Sawada Tsunayoshi was as slippery as he was a cheeky brat, but Reborn wasn't the Number One Hitman in the World for nothing. He waited until the time was right and then cornered the unsuspecting teen one sunny afternoon after school. Tsuna always waited for Ieyasu at this time, lying in wait to do who knows what to that innocent and stupidly naive student of his. Not today!

"Sawada Tsunayoshi." Reborn said serenely. Behind them, the classroom door closed with an ominous _thwack_. "I'm warning you right now. If you _ever_ touch **my** student without his permission or push him in a way he isn't comfortable with, I will shoot off your dick. Then I will sit down with a cup of Espresso and _watch_ as you slowly bleed out."

Tsuna jumped up, startled (for once). His hands flew to his privates.

"How could you threaten a man like this!? Aren't you a man too? Do you have no sympathy?"

Reborn smiled. It was not a nice smile. "Don't test me on this, Dame-Tsuna. I'm a baby. Whatever manly sympathy I may or may not have is long gone."

Buried in the ashes of my former self.

"It's consensual!" Tsuna insisted. "Even if he cries in that cute way of his…" seeing the baby's dark expression, he hastily added "-anyways! That's not the point. When I push him up against the wall, he's usually crying because he gets frustrated with how slow I am..."

Reborn cocked his gun.

"I'm definitely not forcing him, Reborn. We don't actually do that much. Please don't shoot off my - I mean - _that_ off."

"If you go too far Sawada Tsunayoshi, I will know." His fedora cast a dark shadow over those gleaming coal black eyes. "I always know."

"Yes! Yes, Reborn! Sir!"

"Good, now that that's over, I have a talk to give you. Since I've already given it to that brat, I'll have to give it to you too."

He pulled out his charts. There were many, many charts. Sawada Tsunayoshi moved to get up, but saw Reborn's gun and thought otherwise. As he sat there, listening to this talk peppered in with dire warnings, he started to look paler and paler...and for a brief flash of a moment, maybe even a little thoughtful.

 _Maybe_ _this Reborn wi_ _ll be a good teacher after all._


	3. Gokudera Hayato (Arc Start!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gokudera Hayato is an Italian man whose only desire is to live.
> 
> (Honestly, I imagine this must have been why he acted the sycophant in the beginning but grows genuinely loyal to Tsuna as time goes on. He realizes that Tsuna isn't just a normal kid thrown into it, but he's an amazingly loyal, kind, and wonderful person. Tsuna handles situations very well, despite being what amounts to a civilian thrown into something dangerous.)

**Author's Note:** This will be a mini arc of its own. I will be subverting some common and popular fandom ideas regarding flames and the world around it. I'll also be adding in my own.

**Canonically, flames are passed through genetics. Please keep this in mind.**

**Gokudera** is a bit like me in my teens, except with more delinquency, violence, and possible terrorism so I hope my take on him is well received. Please let me know what you think about my portrayals. We will be seeing more of Ieyasu as time goes on.

* * *

**Chapter 3: Gokudera Hayato**

Reborn said Vongola Decimo was the same age as him, that they might have something in common with him. Hayato said something vaguely agreeable and when the phone call was over, he threw his phone at the wall and shouted at it until he felt better.

The fuck did a soft and pampered little civilian boy have in common with someone him?

Hayato had been working day in, day out so that he could survive. He ate out of dumpsters, murdered people he never wanted to murder, and had done countless other _desperate_ and painful things all in the name of survival. Why did this boy who did not understand what it means to survive, how could he ever know what it was like for Hayato?

There were countless of boys within Vongola the same age as Hayato. Some more capable, others decidedly less so, but it didn't change the fact that the only difference between Hayato and these other boys was the difference in blood percentage.

Namely, Hayato was a quarter Japanese.

What a bunch of bull!

Hayato was Italian! He was raised Italian, he'd grown up thinking he was Italian, he was basically fucking Italian, and he'd never stepped a foot in Japan before this, but everybody liked to remind him how "Japanese" he really was. Now they were expecting him to go to Japan, strike a conversation and "bond" with the Decimo to be because they were both "little Japanese." It was racist as hell!

He didn't even know Japanese.

"You know their language and customs." His commander claimed. "What do you need lessons for?"

Hayato wanted to tell that fucker to take his assumptions and shove it up his dumb ass, but that guy was a higher up so he had kiss that dumb ass instead. The woes of a low-tier soldato.

"Didn't your mother teach you?"

"My mother was Italian." Hayato responded stiffly. "My birth-mother was…you know what, never mind. I'll ask somebody else."

While he'd always felt inexplicable connection with his birth mother, it didn't change the fact that a man could have two mothers and still be a stand-up guy.

Hayato's stepmother had always loved and raised him as if he were hers. For eight years, he'd always thought that he was the child most like her. Finding out they weren't related was devastating. She'd been the only adult who'd really listened to him.

For that reason, he'd always assumed his birth mother's death was orchestrated by his father. There was no way that angelic woman would do such a thing, not when she herself had her own (female) lover. No, Hayato was certain; it was definitely that scumbag old man.

"Still, your birth-mother, whoever she was, she was oriental, wasn't she? Oriental people can communicate with one another? Even Asians from another country can."

Hayato's mouth opened and closed, but nothing came out. This was too stupid, even for him. He'd only ever seen his birth-mother a few days a year. Did they think languages could be passed through blood? This wasn't a fantasy book, you know!

Besides that, Lavina was adopted. She'd never met her Japanese parent, never learned Japanese, and never even stepped foot in that country. Not without lack of availability as Hayato's father had offered many times, but because she _did not care to._ Even if she could, there was literally nothing for her to even pass on.

Hayato left before he could lose his temper. Time was of the essence. Reborn wanted him in Japan within a month and a month wasn't long enough to learn properly, even for a genius like him.

That racist fuck.

The teen found somebody who finally would help him resolve his little language issue. The budget was small, but it was still a damn budget. Hayato studied what he could with his tutor, snuck into however many extra language classes he had to for what he couldn't, and then, when he was on the plane, he learned how to do a proper Japanese Dogeza so that he could properly kiss Japanese ass and ensure his survival.

* * *

Within a week of his arrival, Reborn pulled him aside and said:

"I need you to pick a fight with the new candidate and then fight him as if to kill."

Hayato's cigarette dropped out of his mouth. He stuffed it back in and forced a polite smile on his face.

"I-what? I must have misheard you, Signore-"

"Speak Japanese." The other demanded.

It was easy enough to agree to. Language immersion was the most effective learning method.

"Sorry Reborn-san. I'm not accustomed to Japanese yet."

Round black eyes scrutinized the nervous teen. "Really? You sound as if you were raised speaking it."

"No, no. I learned it. Last month, in fact." _On the short notice you gave me, you racist fucker._

"Then I will only repeat myself once. I need you to fight Sawada Ieyasu as if to kill." Then, as an added bonus, Reborn lied. "If you win or kill him whether on purpose or on accident, I'll introduce you before the Ninth as the worthier heir."

There was no way Hayato was going to believe such an obvious lie.

While it was true that there were many bastard lines from various Vongola bosses and it was true that Vongola Boss's could adopt a worthy heir, that was all only in theory. It wasn't enough to become the Boss. You needed to have the recommendation of the Vongola Boss Himself and his CEDEF head. Before that, you needed to prove your worthiness and not get wiped out by your rivals or the Boss himself. It wasn't something an everyday grunt like him could do, got it?

"I don't have Vongola Blood. How could I-?" He stammered.

"You do." Reborn interrupted. "I checked. Your great-great grandfather married a Vongola? That was how your family originally entered the Vongola alliance."

The famous Vongola Alliance was carefully kept and maintained through the marriages of countless Vongola daughters and sons. There were few commodities more valuable than Vongola blood as their blood ran thick. Even generations after the original Vongola married in, genetic markers remained. Genetic markers like a propensity towards Sky flames.

Sky flames were another benefit of being a worthy member of the Vongola alliance, a chance to be considered "something more" than an average human. This was why nearly all the upper echelons could boast to Sky flames. They all descended from a Vongola relative or the relative of a relative of a Vongola relative. This was where the cult of personality that wrapped around Sky flames and their wielders came from. The elites liked to stay in power.

A sky flame was a sky flame was a sky flame. How could the common people hope to break through such a circle? How could average flames like theirs? How could they prove worthy for leadership when they lacked what could only be passed through blood?

Hayato had a lot of thoughts on this matter, but that wasn't the point. The point was this: _I don't have fucking sky flames, Signore Shithead._

"That's not…" It was frustrating how he couldn't say what he wanted to. That Reborn was a shit fucker and the way Hayato's great-great-grandfather nabbed his beloved bride was in the same way a person might buy a designer purse in a random street stall, with roughly the same result. The elite hitman might take it as an insult and somebody like the Sun Arcobaleno wasn't somebody you could offend lightly. "We left it shortly after." He said lamely.

"If legitimacy is what you're worried about, **_Timoteo_** -" requisite name drop with emphasis "-can adopt you. This is Vongola's great claim."

Vongola's famous claim was that so long as they were worthy, capable, and had the right bloodline, anybody could be boss. It was also complete and utter bullshit, as shown in history.

Not many people realized this, but Hayato was a fan of history, research, and how clearly there were signs of aliens and witchcraft involved within Vongola's founding. He knew his stuff. This famous claim only applied during the first few generations. After that, there was little tolerance for "pretenders, bastard claimants, and those lacking the True Blood." With emphasis on the blood.

Vongola Settimo wiped out the wealthiest and most powerful of the claimant families, even those who didn't press their claim - even those from whom Primo himself was descended from. He claimed his victories were due to their "lesser blood". Then, high off his victories, he kidnapped a young girl from Primo's Sawada family and forced her to marry her son. Both the son and Settimo himself died under mysterious circumstances, their bodies found and arranged in such a grotesque way that Ottava, who found them, never spoke of it. The Sawada girl was found dead days later, having drowned herself in the river. Her corpse was shipped back to her homeland, where it mysteriously disappeared.

Vongola Ottava learned from her father's mistake. She recruited and put all possible claimants into powerful and worthy positions…that also happened to bar them all out of succession. Many of those with "Vongola looks" were CEDEF or Varia. Usually CEDEF because Varia claimants, mysteriously enough, never lived for long.

Her son Vongola Noveno took an entirely different route. He ruthlessly stamped out all threats to his heirs by formally adopting any threatening claimants and then marrying them off to trusted Allies. Those adopted claimants had no choice but to rely on his good will and protection to be treated well within their new households. He'd sell you off and you'd thank him for it. That's how cunning he was. Noveno made and renewed so many alliances that it would be impossible to become Decimo without his prior approval.

It was fucking terrifying.

The teenaged Hayato's response, when it came, came out as a dry croak. "Right. Adoption."

"I knew you would see it my way." Reborn said with a smirk. That fucking bastard. This was why you could never trust adults. He ran away so that adults couldn't control him anymore, not so that he could be controlled even more! This was total bull!

* * *

For the record, Hayato Gokudera only gave in because he had to kiss ass, not because he was scared of being wed. You can't just say no to a bigshot like Reborn, after all. Those three days he practiced in throwing off his aim in a natural way was so that he wouldn't actually kill the new Decimo and get killed. He already learned the most polite (and subservient) form of Japanese by then so he read popular manga and whatever the hell teenagers liked for fun, not so that he could properly endear himself to the new Decimo and prevent his beautiful genius ass from getting married. His nightmares about Vongola Noveno marrying him off once he was of age were purely symbolic of his burning and passionate desire to win.

If Hayato repeated it to himself enough, he'd definitely be alright, right?

Right?


	4. I Can Do This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gokudera Hayato is a capable man who is fully, perfectly fine with being threatened into threatening the heir of a mafia family. Technically, it's from the higher ups right? He can do this. 
> 
> But you know, social anxiety is as social anxiety does.

**Author** **'s Note 1:** Technically, the translated manga implies that Reborn didn't contact Hayato himself, but…Reborn is handling this personally due to how much of a handful those two Sawada boys are. Also, I want to show a different side to the main characters I introduced in the earlier chapters. I wasn't going to post until I finished writing the arc to make sure I can do it, but I finished sooner than expected due to my unexpected binge-writing talent, copious free time, and overactive imagination.

Buckle up. The tone will vary a bit because Hayato is different compared to Reborn, but the ending will ultimately be satisfying. At least, it was for me.

 **Edit 6/20/19:** Noticed some typos.

* * *

**Chapter 4: I Can Do This!**

Hayato stared up at himself through the bathroom mirror.

Huff. Huff. "Alright, alright, you can do this Haya. You can definitely do this. You can definitely go in and upturn some random kid's desk, pretend you don't accept him, and then challenge him to a life and death match. He's a higher up. Reborn's a higher up. Tutor trumps heir. I can do this."

It wasn't enough so he slapped himself for good measure.

"Alright." He said, a bright red mark on his face. "I'm ready."

He entered the classroom, was introduced, and then he went over to the new Decimo. At least, he meant to. His palms started sweating, his feet started getting itchy, and then he kicked the desk all the way to the wall.

Sawada Tsunayoshi watched as the papers fluttered to the ground. _Huh?_ His face said. He stared at the ground then where the desk should be, then to the ground again. The room exploded into noise.

"Gokudera-kun's so cool!"

"Haha! Dame-Tsuna's so slow he hasn't even realized what happened!"

"What a loser!"

"As expected of Dame-Tsuna!"

"I don't know what Ieyasu-kun sees in him."

Sweat slid down Gokudera's face in bullets. In his nervousness, he got the wrong twin!

**Start a fight! Plan: Failed.**

* * *

**Start a fight! Plan Version 2.0:**

Hayato acclimated to this new change in pace fairly quickly. He was a professional, after all. He turned to the class and in his most intimidating voice, growled:

"Where is Sawada Ieyasu."

The whole room fell silent. He almost took a step back from the sheer hostility he felt. In one sentence, he'd turned the entire class against him. It was a tense moment, as if a violin string had suddenly been pulled taut. The wrong pull would send your ears into a screeching hell.

Hayato watched the class.

The class watched him back.

The teacher left the room. [Free Period] was hastily written on the chalk board. None of the students cared. They were tightly coiled, ready to jump into action should the need arise. All they needed was for somebody to make the first move.

There was the loud screech of metal against linoleum as Sawada Tsunayoshi dragged his desk back to its original position, humming to himself all the while.

"That's so old fashioned." Somebody scoffed. "My grandmother listens to that song."

"Old Fashioned Tsuna."

"More like Hipster Tsuna."

In one move, tension deflated out of the room like an old balloon.

"Are you…are you going to bully him like Dame-Tsuna?" A voice quietly asked Hayato. It was a timid looking boy with bangs so long they covered his eyes.

A girl with curling brown hair stood up, fists pulled into a boxing stance. "If you pick on Ie-kun…I'll…I'll beat you up!"

"Sit down Kyoko." A girl with wavy black hair said. "The older monkey will take care of it." She glanced at Sawada Tsunayoshi, or as Hayato remembered him best, the "Wrong Twin". Wrong Twin raised an eyebrow and then ignored the rest of the class in favor of patting the head of the blond boy who sat behind him.

Hayato was guessing that was the actual Tenth. The one they said resembled Vongola Primo.

"Gokudera-kun. Bullying is strictly forbidden. As Class Monitor," the class monitor said as he pushed up his glasses, "it is my duty to protect my classmates and that means..."

"Oh shut it already with the Class Monitor thing!" Another voice cried out. "We all know the real reason is so that you can get close to Sawada Ieyasu!"

"If you're going to kill Ie-kun, then take me too!" A good looking boy declared dramatically as he ripped open his shirt.

Hayato's brain stopped at that one.

"Take me instead, Gokudera-kun!" An adoring fangirl begged as she tried to crawl up his leg. The teen shrunk back in revulsion.

"If you're going to hurt Ieyasu-kun, then you're going to have to get through all of us!"

"He's too beautiful! My eyes can't stand it! But Gokudera-kun is pretty cute too…."

"He's a national treasure! Our national treasure! I'd rather die than let you touch him!"

That doesn't fucking make sense.

The cherry on top was when a boy volunteered to be the Tenth's meat shield "should he have need of my expertise", followed by a rapturous looking girl who declared she wanted to too and then the two joined hands with the other classmates around Sawada Ieyasu so they could all form a human barrier and sing Kumbaya.

"Ieyasu-kun belongs to all of us!" They chanted over and over, their eyes scarily wide. "He is our precious, most beloved Class Mascot!"

Hayato wanted to run. It was like a scary cult. A fucking scary cult and Hayato didn't like those outside of anthropological studies.

"...What." A voice said coldly. "What did you just say?"

The noisy class silenced.

Sawada Tsunayoshi was studying the crowd with eyes cold enough to burn. There was a displeased look in his eyes. He stood up. The crowd immediately scattered. Hayato looked gratefully at the speaker. Finally! A sane person! Then that sane person opened his mouth.

"Just who said he was yours? Hmm?"

All the hope deflated out of Hayato's heart like an old balloon. In the crowd, another person eeped.

"Well, I mean…" The Class Monitor scrambled for an explanation. "We just want to protect him that's all, like he's a small, very small pup-I'm making everything worse aren't I?"

Tsuna frowned and pulled out his phone. "I'm calling Hibari."

"No…" somebody groaned. "I just got out of the hospital."

"I didn't say anything!" One of the cult members insisted, "I definitely didn't say anything like that!"

The dam broke. A wave of protests followed.

"I never wanted anything but look at him in peace!"

"Yeah! We just wanted to make sure Gokudera-kun here, didn't kick his desk over like he did yours!"

Seeing this change in the classroom, of how the previous scapegoat suddenly became so feared, Hayato shrunk inside himself, even as he outwardly pretended not to care. He knew he'd have to make a bad impression on everybody, Decimo included, but he didn't think the consequences would start out this severe.

"Tch." He said. He looked away.

"Shh shh…it's ok." Tsunayoshi soothed, "I already made a list of everybody who did."

The classroom quieted down, reluctantly comforted. It was scary how he did it without even the slightest sign of flames. There was no change in his eyes, no sudden spark or strong feeling that might have led up to it. The other boy's eyes were still as wide and brown as they were before.

One of the culprits claiming Sawada Ieyasu was a mascot tried to make a run for it, but before he could even leave the entrance, a boy in a black school uniform stepped in. The newcomer twirled a pair of silver tonfas in his hands. Everybody took an unconscious step back, Hayato included.

This new person exuded violence.

"Ownership of Sawada Ieyasu is strictly prohibited." Black Uniform said with a hellish gleam in his eyes. "I've heard you're a good runner, Tanaka. Shimizu as well. Let's see how far you can both run. We can even make a game of it…"

Tanaka's scream remained in the room long after he sprinted down the hallways. Shimizu knelt down on the floor in apology, waving a white flag. He was brained in the head by a tonfa for it.

"I told you he'd handle it, Kyoko." The wavy haired girl from earlier said smugly. "Looks like you owe me a soda."

Kyoko nodded patiently and accepted her fate.

"There's no need to protect him. That's what we are for." The leader of the secret police said. He was the tallest and largest out of all the boys. Like the others, his curly hair was also arranged into a pompadour. Tall Pompadour's stern eyes surveyed the room. "Unless you think our committee is unfit to manage the school?"

Everybody shook their heads.

"Good. We will take it from here, Sawada Tsunayoshi." Tall Pompadour said.

Sawada Tsunayoshi nodded before turning to the other person behind him. As expected, the sweet Sawada Ieyasu remained blissfully asleep. Tsuna smiled to himself in pleasure. Good, good, let him sleep. A tired Ie was a cranky and unhappy Ie.

* * *

As he watched that Sawada Tsunayoshi command his secret police to swarm the room and scare the shit out of everybody in order to maintain ownership of his own damn brother, Hayato considered this second attempt good enough and counted it a day. Secret Police aside, that brother came off like a damn pervert and Hayato knew a damn pervert when he saw one. As for the Decimo to be himself, there was no point if the person was good if the people around him were rotten.

It was clear as day: Gokudera Hayato, The Smoking Bomb, was in over his head.

**Start a fight! Plan Version 2.0: Pass!**

* * *

"Are you running?" Reborn asked curiously as he surveyed Hayato's room.

The room was in disarray, as if his closet had exploded all over the formerly neat apartment. There were bags everywhere and the little hideaways where he'd hidden extra cash were gone. The only remaining were the security measures, most of which Reborn disarmed himself. It was a good thing he came here when he did. Any longer and Gokudera Hayato would have been long gone.

While it was true that the teenaged hitman went to great lengths to avoid his older sister and mentor, it was only out of principle and sheer stubbornness. It carried him much further than it ought to, in Reborn's opinion. As a former gutter rat, it was entirely beyond Reborn's comprehension why anybody would refuse the privileges their birth had given to them out of anything beyond reckless stupidity.

Yet reckless as he was, stupid as he was, Gokudera Hayato was not afraid to run to his fearsome older sister and even more fearsome mentor should the need arise. There was nothing the young Storm hated more than being trapped with life long consequences he himself did not create and Reborn had not worked for this hard and this long for things to fall apart like this.

"What's all this?" He asked, making sure to remain diplomatic in tone.

Hayato ran his hands through his hair, frazzled.

"I can't. I'm sorry Signore-" Reborn raised a brow "-I mean Reborn-san. I can't do this. That was some next level shit! I didn't sign up for next-level shit, I signed up to help test your candidate. Beat me, kill me, marry me off! I don't care!"

"Alright." Reborn said easily.

"Alright?" A whoosh of air came out of Hayato's chest. Whether from relief or something else remained unclear. This one was a master of mixed signals, just like his sister. "What does that mean, 'Alright'?"

"Alright, you can return to Headquarters. You're not required to do any more than what I've already asked of you."

"Really? That's it?" The other asked, his eyebrows twisted in skepticism.

"That's it."

The teen returned to his packing, this time at a more sedate pace. There was still tension in his shoulders, but the frazzled air had diminished. Reborn waited until he was almost done packing before he dropped the bomb.

"I heard Bellandi is looking for a suitable groom for his daughter anyway so you should be right on schedule. She's the only heir and she needs somebody to help steer her in the right direction. Her only requests are that he's talented, good looking, and good with his fingers." Reborn thought about leering for emphasis, but that might have been too much for the kid. He kept his face impassive again.

All the color drained out of the kid's handsome face. He immediately fell into a dogeza. It was well done for somebody who'd only now just learned it.

"I'm sorry Reborn-san. Please forgive my impudence. You're the boss."

"Well done!" Reborn said casually as he leaned against a drawer. "You already have the dogeza mastered. Next is Yubitsume."

Yubitsume was the Yakuza practice of cutting off portions of one's little finger to atone. A punishment or a way to show sincere remorse. It also made one more easily identifiable to law enforcement...and it prevented you from doing things like playing the piano ever again.

Hayato blanched.

As a teacher, it was only right that Reborn passed on his teachings properly now that he could no longer tortu-I mean properly instruct his current student. Who better than the disciple of Shamal and the younger brother of Bianchi? What better way to learn how to be a proper Mafia Man than to experience it for yourself? It was how _he_ learned it, after all.

 **Start a fight! Plan Version 2.0:** **Pass!** **Fail. Very serious Fail. Please have mercy, Reborn-sama!**

* * *

When Reborn pulled out his knife, Hayato kneeled on the floor, eerily still. He held his hands out for the knife, ready to take any punishment that might be given to him as a possible consequence of his actions. The Greatest Hitman, dressed in his Yakuza cosplay, peered down at this earnest, naive young boy. He could finally understand why Shamal, of all people, loved him so dearly. He put aside the knife.

"Get up, Gokudera Hayato. And finish unpacking. You have a lot of work to do."

* * *

 **Author's Note 2:** Please remember that this is my take on the usual "evil twin" trope. Beyond the underdog!Tsuna, which was probably the case in the past (until Ie happened), there's also the usual crouching wimp, hidden badass Tsuna.

Crouching wimp, hidden badass Tsuna who has secret police that come at his beckoning. I'll probably cover how this came to be in the future.

Hint: Ieyasu was trying to be a good big brother to his adorably shy and easily scared older brother that he secretly thought of as younger in spirit. Tsuna took it the wrong way. He really took it the wrong way.


	5. i can't do this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he can't do this. Gokudera Hayato really cannot do this. Please don't ask for anymore. Just let him go home.

**Chapter 5: I can** **'t do this.**

"Hayato Gokudera huh?" Sawada Tsunayoshi said as he flicked a small grain of sticky rice off his fingers. As expected, it did not unstick. Sticky rice was irritatingly clingly like that.

"Ahhh….if only Ie would cling onto me like this grain of rice!"

"Please stop talking." Mochida Kensuke begged, "please. I'm begging you Sawada, stop talking."

Tsuna turned to him. His face was cold and hard in displeasure. "Am I bothering you, Mochida?"

Mochida made a gesture for him to look behind him. Tsuna, not being an idiot, listened. Sawada Ieyasu was staring down at the both of them, an indiscernible look in his eyes. He dropped a lunchbox in Tsuna's lap.

"Stop bullying people, Tsuna." Ieyasu said seriously. "Not everybody's going to understand you and me and we need to stop expecting them to. It's not good to force everybody to think your way."

That was the cutest thing Tsuna had ever heard in his entire life. He turned to Mochida with starry eyes, hoping the other would see what he did. Mochida did not. He was nodding in respect, but there was nothing to hint that he had any sort of interest in Ieyasu beyond a friendly, brotherly one. When Tsuna turned back to address his precious bride, he found the other already gone. Sawada Ieyasu had another appointment to keep.

A cold wind swooshed through Tsuna's soul at the sight of that empty space. He shouted his frustration up to the heavens.

"What did I dooooo!?"

His friend pretended to be deaf.

* * *

Ieyasu arrived to his appointment five minutes early, at place far far away from the Disciplinary Committee's reach. This was Kokuyo territory, but luckily for Ieyasu, he knew a few people from that place. He slipped down the deserted alley, only a few meters away from where he was supposed to meet.

The gravel barely crunched beneath his feet as he took stock of the area around the chain link fence. It was a wide space next to the docks; full of broken bottles, discarded wooden boxes, and piles of yesterday's trash. On the other side of the fence was his quarry.

Gokudera Hayato had his back to the fence, squatting as he nervously smoked an entire pack of cigarettes. He looked like somebody Ieyasu might have met back when he was still living in Italy, roaming the streets like a stray cat.

Ieyasu took a running start towards the fence and crossed the jingling fence with little effort. He watched in amusement as the back of Gokudera's neck tensed. The challenger jumped up and immediately leaped back, increasing the distance between them. A long range fighter then.

It'd been a while since Ieyasu had met a proper long range fighter.

"So?" The blond asked in clear standard Italian, "Why did you call me out here today, Hayato?"

This was the first time Gokudera got a good look at the soon to be Decimo. He'd been too wary, not wanting to be mistaken as another one of his admirers and taken out by Decimo's scary older brother. The heir's hair was an unruly blond, the kind that looked as if it'd darken with age. His skin was a pale olive and his face was finely featured enough to be every fashion magazine's wet dream. Those sparkling eyes were lidded. The color was unclear at this distance.

His voice rang clear and bright in that standard Italian, but his actions were not. He rattled the fence more than necessary when he climbed up and when Hayato looked up, he'd crouched and leaped close enough for it to be impressive and far enough to be smart. Hayato had seen this many times from other boys, as a way to show dominance, but he hadn't expected it from the boy who looked so naive and clueless while laughing idiotically with his many, many admirers and friends.

Ieyasu's movements hadn't been for anything other than pure intimidation. It was done entirely to disturb his opponent at worst and put him on his guard at best. Of course, it may have been a fluke...

"If a laughing idiot like you becomes Vongola Decimo…" the bomber growled, "the Vongola Famiglia will be-"

"Stop."

At that sudden command, the silver haired Hayato faltered, unsure of whether to continue or not. Sawada Ieyasu was looking up at him in interest. With a pang, he realized that the tall blond boy had already stowed his bag away. That previous fence rattling hadn't been a coincidence after all. This wasn't some naive kid. This was somebody who knew his way around fights.

"I don't care what your reasons are." Ieyasu said calmly. "I just want to fight. So pull out your bombs, light them, and give me your best shot."

"Right...then that makes things easier. I'd been worried how to make it come across right."

Decimo snorted and made a beckoning gesture. Hayato obliged.

"Double bomb!"

"Heh." Ieyasu spat on the floor. "That's just what I like most!" He charged.

It was about halfway through the fight, with his triple bombs setting the trash aflare that Sawada Ieyasu completely lost it. In the midst of those fiery explosions, as he stood amongst that chaos, he began laughing like a completely _psycho_. No joke. He sounded incredibly unhinged, like Raito from Death Note, that's how much of a crazy motherfucker he was.

Hayato's cigarette almost fell out of his mouth when the psycho emerged, bleeding like a mofo.

Blood oozed out of that nasty bang to his head. It dribbled out of the side of his mouth, past the manic grin.

"Excellent!" Psycho crowed, "Perfect! It's exactly what I'm looking for!" There was en ecstatic look on his face. " **You're** exactly what I'm looking for."

Hayato glanced at the tree Reborn disappeared into earlier.

_Signore Shithead, are you listening to this? Do you realize how damn psycho he looks? Do you?_

No answer. Tch. As expected of that Signore Shithead and his cosplaying fetish. It took roughly fifteen seconds before Hayato realized he'd said all of that out loud. Decimo was looking at him, laughing wildly all the while.

"Did you hear that, Signore Shithead? Ahahahahaha!"

"He also called you a psycho." Reborn said as he came down from the sky. He was riding in a bright green saddle on an especially fat pigeon. "Now go defend my honor, Psycho Ie."

With a dutiful nod, Psycho Ie obeyed. His gloved hands snatched up a piece of wood from the ground and using that as a shield, ran smack dab towards Hayato. It was the most terrifying thing the bomber had ever seen, watching that slat of wood run closer and closer to him as his dynamite glanced off of it like rain. Helpless, he started to run.

"Are you fucking insane?" He shouted as he ran away, leaving a trail of hissing dynamite behind him. Sawada Ieyasu looked down at the dynamite, snorted, and then darted past them with speed that absolutely could not be human.

"Are you fucking insane?" Hayato repeated as the taller boy tackled him to the ground, bombs flying around them. "We're all gonna die!"

"Huhu Death is only a game." Psycho huffed as shards of glass embedded themselves into his pale skin. The bomber rolled on top of him and examined his eyes. Sawada Ieyasu's pupils were blown wide.

"Are you on drugs?" He asked in disbelief. It wasn't as if he were new to drug use or anything as the other boys he shared a flat with did too, but this! This was outrageous! A psycho indeed!

"Huhu why don't you find out?"

"You're looking down on me." He accused as he shoved a finger in Ieyasu's pretty face. "You're looking down on me and if you think I'm going to take it, then you've got another thing coming, asshole."

"Technically," Ieyasu said with a smarmy smile, "I'm looking up at you."

Hayato almost punched him in the face for that, but needs being what they were, he dragged them both out of that chaos instead.

"Huhuhuhuhu you're not bad. I can accept this guy as my subordinate, Reborn!"

"That's a pity then," Reborn said mercilessly, "because we're going by Vongola fight rules. Loser serves winner. Had Gokudera not pulled you out, you would've died, Psycho Ie. Gokudera Hayato wins."

Dread curled thickly in the pit of Hayato's stomach at those words. His heart dropped. He swallowed thickly, choking back down the bile. He didn't even have to look down to see what state his white t-shirt was in. The back and the area around the neck was soaked through with sweat.

Oh no. Nononononono. He couldn't…Reborn wouldn't possibly…weren't teachers supposed to favor their own students? Now he was going to get adopted, married off, and then murdered by Sawada Tsunayoshi's secret police.

"Psycho Ie, you're going to have to serve Gokudera."

It was like watching the world end...but even as the world ended, you still had your job to do. It was time to pull out his ultimate ass-kissing trump card. Hayato pulled his bruised body into a dogeza.

"Sawada Ieyasu, you are the one and only Vongola Decimo, a man amongst men! I humbly submit myself as your servant! I'll follow you to the ends of the earth!"

"Ha. Yeah right. There's no way I can trust somebody who tried to kill me earlier to serve me. Instead, I'll serve you!"

"Please no…I mean-this humble one isn't worthy to serve somebody of your greatness!" Hayato shot him a worshipful look. "Please let me serve you instead!" Recognizing his bullshit, Ieyasu refused to give him quarter.

"You know," he mused loudly, "I've always wanted to cosplay as a maid. Reborn's really inspired me in that direction, you know. He's really a master of disguise."

"I've never disguised myself as a maid before, never in my entire life have I done such a thing." Reborn lied. He turned to Hayato with his adorable childlike eyes. "Isn't that great, Gokudera Hayato? Now you have the next boss of an entire family as your subordinate."

Hayato Gokudera wanted to quit life already.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** No, Ieyasu is not on drugs. That's all I have to say right now.


	6. YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is indeed as the title proclaims. 
> 
> Trigger warning for attempted and failed suicide (as comical as this scene is, this matter is not comical). I will warn you when there is a trigger warning in all of my stories. I have PTSD so I know what it's like to suddenly be slapped with a scene that everybody else finds perfectly fine. It's the worst feeling in the world. 
> 
> If there is anything that I have missed, please tell me. I don't want to be setting your traumas off without realizing it. I take it too seriously, I think, but that's because of my own experiences. It's overwhelming when you experience things like that. I can't even watch the Fantastic Beast movies.

**Author's Note:** I had to make a few warnings. Since Ieyasu is the type to earnestly listen to what his teacher has to say, Reborn must find stress relief by teasing other people.

 **Trigger Warnings for:** attempted suicide (sort of?)

Edit 7/12/2019: Removed author warnings because they break the flow of the story.

 **Note:** It's mostly humorous cartoonish kind of stuff, but there's an event in this chapter that I wanted to address it ahead of time.

Don't be a Hayato, guys. Suicide is not the answer and it leaves behind a heavy grief for your nearest and dearest that may not fade. Most of all, it'll leave you with regret. Things will get better and this is something I say as somebody who has suicidal thoughts on the regular (and who had a suicide in my family). Trust me when I say it will get better. If you die, you'll always regret. If you live, you may still regret to no end, but you'll have the chance to change both it and you (if you think you're the problem).

And while Ieyasu had good reasons for acting as he did (I'll explain in a Q&A before the start of the next arc), it's important to note that because this is Gokudera's POV, the narrative and thus the reader may misunderstand him. So I need to say this first: don't encourage someone to die, not even as an insult or to troll someone on the internet. Our words matter. So do we.

* * *

**Chapter 6: YOU** **'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE**

"Isn't that great Gokudera? Now you have the next boss of an entire family as your subordinate."

_Isn't that great?_

_Great_

Great

**Great**

**Isn't that great? Now you have the next boss of an entire family as your subordinate.**

"I'm getting married over my dead body!" He screamed as he sprinted towards the nearest pier.

"Wait!" Decimo shouted as he ran after him. "What are you on aboouuut!?"

Reborn turned to his green Leon saddle. "I might have pushed him a bit too far, Leon. Let's go see what happens." After a few aborted flaps of its puny wings, his fat mount laboriously flapped its way towards pier, where Ieyasu was desperately holding back a loudly screaming Hayato.

"I'm not getting adopted by anybody other than Mom!" The Italian screamed, "and definitely not to get married! My Vongola blood is counterfeit! Counterfeit, I tell you!"

"What are you talking about? Nobody's gonna marry off the leader of the new Decimo. Then they'll be able to theoretically control me and that looks bad for Vongola."

Hayato relaxed his shoulders and with them, the taller boy's grip. "Oh. That's right. Whew, I thought I was doomed for a moment."

Then he remembered the events of the previous day and realized oh, wait. That's right. He was.

He was a dead man walking already and if there was anything that Hayato held as his sole ideal in life, it was that he would go down fighting, on his own terms, rather than be killed by that possessive pervert who openly sicced his secret police on the classmates for vaguely implying that Psycho didn't belong to him.

The frigid hand of death would strangle Hayato as viciously as Sawada Tsunayoshi. It would strangle Hayato over his dead body!

"I'd rather kill myself than be killed by other people! Let me go! I want to die!"

"No you don't." Decimo said bluntly. "You're a survivor and survivors like you don't give up and quit."

That only made him more determined to jump in. "I do! Survivors get tired to! Don't tell me what to do. If I want to die, then I can fucking die whenever I want to!" And as the final kicker, "you're not the boss of me! I'm the boss of you and if I say I want to motherfuckin' die, I'm gonna get to motherfuckin' die! Capiche?"

The blond rolled his eyes and obeyed. He let the silver-haired teen go.

Gokudera hit the idle waves with a loud splash, the sudden cold a shock to his senses. As the water entered his lungs, he idly thought that he'd always thought he'd blow himself up. He'd never thought that of all ways, this was how he was gonna go.

There was no sudden flashback of all his worst mistakes or all the things he should've-could've done. Instead, there was only darkness and an all consuming peace before it shattered into a knee-jerk panic that clawed up his insides. It was then that Gokudera realized it. He didn't want to die.

As he thrashed around the water, arms flailing, up became down and down became up. Everything seemed so out of place. As the tides pulled him down further out the ocean, he realized that he was all alone with no Shamal, no Bianchi, and no Mother to save him. He never should've left, he realized and it was a painful feeling, to realize you wasted six years of your life chasing after an ideal that could never be reached.

A pair of arms wrapped around his armpits and suddenly, there was air. Hayato took in a gasp of air, sickly warm water dribbling out of his nose and ears. The cold sunk in so deeply he almost felt warm. Through the sound of the water flooding his ears, he could hear a familiar voice shouting in the distance.

"Are you finished now?" Sawada Tsunayoshi whispered lowly, entirely unamused.

Hayato weakly nodded.

* * *

Ie was waiting for them on the pier, a pile of warm towels in his glowing hands. Tsuna took one and wrapped it around the shivering teen in his arms. Hayato Gokudera, blue-lipped and pale as death, shook his head.

"I'm not taking that," he said between chattering teeth. "It's got your flames all over it."

Ieyasu flinched back, looking as if he'd been slapped. There was a grimace on his face as he shoved the towel back into Tsuna's duffle bag and tossed the heating packs at Gokudera's dripping wet face.

"For your shit behavior."

"That doesn't even make sense!"

"It doesn't have to! You got it anyway!"

Before the two could tear at one another's throats, the brunet calmly interjected. "I want a towel, Ie." Ieyasu, seeing him, harrumphed and threw it in his face. He caught it with little difficulty.

"See if I bother doing anything nice again." Decimo muttered as he stormed off.

"You didn't even do anything nice!" Gokudera shouted after him, "You just let me drown!"

"He did not let you drown." Tsuna interrupted firmly. "He's scared of water so he got me to pull you out instead. He was warming the towels so you wouldn't die from the cold."

"That doesn't count! He used his own flames to do it! I can smell the stench of sky flames all the way from here, he's that strong. They'd form a bond with my flames before I can even decide whether or not he's worthy…. I'd get pulled into the Sky Attraction with no way out!" He rounded up on Decimo's brother. "Tell me, how is that kindness? How is that anything but cold-hearted calculation?"

Tsuna looked mildly affronted. "That…that is not how flames work. Is this what the mafia believes nowadays? Sky Attraction is just a myth. Right Reborn?"

Reborn nodded. Beyond his own experience with past Sky users trying to unsuccessfully flap their flames around in hopes of pulling him in (as if that'd ever happen), he also had his own research and statistics to back it up. He and Verde co-researched it, actually. They'd done countless studies on it, trying to see if there was truth behind the beliefs of the Sky Flame cult popularized by the Giglio Nero and further spread by the Vongola. They'd even won awards for it.

On a personal level, Reborn couldn't stand Verde and vice versa. On a professional level, he thought he was excellent and indeed worthy of being called one of the Strongest Seven. They made a good team.

"Causation is not correlation." He answered in his lecture voice. "Charismatic leaders naturally have their own pull. That some of them are Sky flame holders is only a matter of genetics, not a matter of a mythical Sky Attraction."

Reborn had never believed in such a thing. There was no evidence and even before he realized the importance of proper evidence, he still never thought much about any kind of philosophy that preached other people's inborn superiority over his good ol' fashioned _talent_.

"Naturally, as my student, Sawada Ieyasu has read all of my papers as well as all those who have come before and after. He's even decided to carry out his own research by analyzing all the past historical records."

Gokudera Hayato's mouth open and closed soundlessly. The Psychopath sounded surprisingly educated. "Why haven't I heard of it? I'd be the first to be interested and besides that, isn't this a big deal?" His wet hair flopped in his face as he looked between the hitman and the student. "Why is no one talking about this?"

Reborn and Tsuna exchanged glances. This wasn't the place to talk about such things. It was no secret that many amongst the elite and middle classes despised these new findings. It destroyed the paradigm they had raised themselves and their children on. It destroyed their beliefs, the culture, and the religion they'd built around the past Giglio Nero's religiousity.

This new paradigm meant that there were problems wrong with the system, problems that had to be overhauled without being hand waved by a dismissive "oh that's just how that flame type is". At most, you'd have a few bosses change things around and pretend that would satisfy it. Rarely would anything actually be done. The Giglio Nero was one of the few that actually did.

Ironic, for the famiglia that originally propagated this sky worshiping cult, formed around an enlightened seer. Ironic that they would be the ones who would stop it in its tracks. No matter how much people tried to stop Verde and Reborn, they would all pull away the minute they saw Aria of the Giglio Nero coldly ask them what they were doing with her fellow Arcobaleno.

Verde and Reborn were lucky to be Arcobaleno. To mess with one was to mess with all. They had the backing and protection of not only the rest of their colleagues, but also one of the Great and Legendary Skies. The researchers who'd attempted to reveal this truth in the past had not.

"C'mon Gokudera-kun," Tsuna said gamely as he wrapped his arm around the taller boy, "let's get you somewhere warmer. We can talk about that later."

The taller boy, soaked to the bone and now feeling his world tilt on its axis, nodded. Tsuna wrapped the towel around him and walked him over to a nearby van. One of the Black Uniform boys slid open the door. They both took their own respective seats and watched as the door slid closed, leaving them in the dark.

"Buckle up. Safety comes first," said the driver as he started the engine. The silver-haired teen fumbled with it with numb, shaking fingers. Tsuna, having already fastened himself, pushed the buckle together with a click.

"The towel…" The words came out of Gokudera's mouth before he could stop it. Tsuna looked up curiously. "It's warm. It's not even soaked through. How can that be possible?"

The towel was as dry and sweet smelling as if it'd come straight out of the laundry. There was even the soft, gentle and cuddly feeling. Everybody stated that your flames were a reflection of your soul. Was this how the Decimo was in reality? Soft and cuddly like laundry detergent and snuggly bears?

"With Ie's flames. Do you feel anything weird with yours?"

Gokudera shook his head. "But it's not like I'd know…since I'm not very sensitive to these things." He took a sneak peek at Reborn, who wasn't supposed to know he knew about flames. Reborn pretended to ignore him. He wasn't going to tattle then, the green-eyed teen thought with relief. That's good.

Shamal would've nagged him until his ears fell off.

"If you feel better," Tsuna interjected, "it's probably only because you're warmer now. If you feel nicer towards Ie-kun, it's probably because he bonded with you person to person, the way any average and normal human would. There's no such thing as flame bonds in the way you've described it."

"But there are flame bonds?"

"Only if you share the same burden." Ieyasu said from behind them. He was sitting with his arms folded, his long legs jutting out into the aisle. Tsuna smiled lovingly at him and made a grabbing motion. Ie threw the second towel at him. His fiance wilted.

"I should know how you know that," Reborn's tone was conversational, but his eyes were not. "but I'm not. Instead, I'm going to ask Aria to see into the future and tell me all the bullshit you've hidden from me."

"...that's not how seers work." Ieyasu protested.

There was a dark look in his tutor's eyes. "And how do you know how seers work?"

"..."

As tutor and student glared at one another, as that pervert Sawada Tsunayoshi (who also kindly and mercifully saved his life) stroked the towel like it was his lover, Gokudera Hayato shifted nervously. The overwhelming information from that day rattled around in his brain.

One, Hayato had survived the battle. He'd not only survived the battle, but he'd won.

Two, Sawada Ieyasu was a psychopath and Hayato had just offended him several times over. He was also Hayato's newest…subordinate. He also wanted to wear a maid outfit.

Three, Ieyasu's brother, Sawada Tsunayoshi, saved Hayato's life in the most thoughtful way. He also happened to be a bro-con pervert. Once he realized that his precious baby brother was going to wear a maid outfit as he served Hayato, he was going to murder the man he had just saved minutes earlier.

Fourth, the elite hitman that called him here, Reborn, was not only the Greatest Hitman in the World, he was also a scientist who worked with Leonardo De Vinci's Reincarnation to provide ground-breaking research that destroyed the elitist bullshit that Hayato always knew existed within the mafia.

Fifth and best of all, Hayato wasn't going to get married off.

The teen shifted nervously as he took it all in. He was too cold, too tired, and far too out of it to consider the implications. Tomorrow, he would. Tomorrow he would beg Ieyasu for forgiveness, beg Tsunayoshi to spare him from his secret police, and then he would beg Reborn for access to the research studies. He would do a lot of begging.

For now, however, he buried himself in the still warm, still dry towel and nodded off to sleep.

* * *

"He's so cute." Ieyasu chuckled as he poked Hayato's sleeping face. Tsuna slapped his finger away. "Let him sleep," he scolded, but on the inside, the brunet was already mulling over this new situation.

Ieyasu's temperament was such that if you infuriated him, he would not hesitate to retaliate. Once it was over, he would welcome you with open arms and perhaps, treat you even more kindly than he ever had before. He was a generous soul, Tsuna's beloved. A generous soul that attracted all sorts of strange people, Tsuna included.

Ah…so many rivals…

"I wonder what he likes to eat." The blond whispered, oblivious to the dark turn of Tsuna's thoughts, "I should serve it to him. He's probably hungry and tired after all this."

Tsuna frowned. "It took me five months before you'd even consider it," he whined, "Why does he get a whole meal after your first meeting?"

His lover gave him a patronizing look. "Because I fought him, duh. I always like those I fight better. That's how I make most of my friends, you know."

Reborn turned around. As he expected, the brunet had a contemplative expression on his face. When he opened his mouth to speak, the hitman pulled out his gun.

 _Click_.

"Don't even think about it, Dame-Tsuna. Or do you want to get hit by a Dying Will bullet?"

He looked away. He already knew what his last regret would be. There was no need to make his sweet bride hate him even more.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I promise that Tsuna is more than just a trophy bride. For one, he would make a terrible trophy bride.

I didn't mean to get into Reborn's research with Verde along with the political implications of it, but if you've ever written a story...there's times when certain things will write themselves. Reborn wanted to go into detail and who am I to argue with the greatest and cutest hitman in the world?


	7. Gokudera Hayato does not need a maid!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves....Ieyasu is not only cute when a bride, but he's also a cute maido. 
> 
> Tsuna and him get a little (very little) spicy here. cough. 
> 
> But no underage sex, so it's not in the archive warnings.

This is technically the end of his arc, but there's one more chapter after this to wrap up a loose string. Everybody, please give your thoughts and prayers to the unfortunate Gokudera Hayato.

The Gokudera Arc Chapters are thus named:

**3\. Gokudera Hayato**

**4\. I Can Do This.**

**5\. I can't do this.**

**6\. YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE**

**7\. Gokudera Hayato Does Not Need a Maid**

As expected, all of these title names (with the exception of the first) are from his perspective.

 **Edit 5/25/2019:** Cleaned up grammar, typos, and clarified a few sentences (nothing's really changed, just the rhythm of the words). Put a little more description in Gokudera's reaction-when he ran back to his apartment and when he realized a little more of his true value in the eyes of others. He cried. I was practicing something.

 **Edit 6/8/19:** Corrected some punctuation regarding chapter titles on the list above. Grouped some sentences together because I have a nasty habit of separating my lines the way I would my ideas. Added a bit and removed a bit. For the new parts, all you have to know is that Gokudera thinks his crying is stupid and has no idea why he's crying. Ieyasu has blue sneakers. That's the new information.

* * *

**Chapter 7: Gokudera Hayato Does Not Need a Maid!**

Hayato sat cross legged before the two kneeling miscreants in his apartment. His eyes were closed as he attempted to put together this bizarre situation. Earlier today…well, he didn't want to think about earlier today. What he needed to think about was why this was occurring.

"So let me get this straight. You're adopted." Sawada Ieyasu nodded. "And you're not." Sawada Tsunayoshi shook his head.

"I am. I'm from the Main Family. Ieyasu and I aren't related so, uh, rest assured. It's definitely not incest." As Tsuna hastily tried to explain his actions, his bride groaned in annoyance. "What you caught us doing earlier definitely wasn't isn't incest…"

"Can we please stop talking about this?" Ie said as he looked away from them both. His ears were bright red, bright enough to glow in the dark.

"Yes…I second that." Hayato said awkwardly as he too averted his eyes. Without speaking, they'd both agreed to look the other way and pretend this didn't happen.

"No!" Tsuna slammed his fist down on the table. "I'll be embarrassed!"

So basically…this is just for you, is that it?

* * *

It all started out fairly innocently. As Ieyasu now had to serve the winner of their battle, he gleefully changed into the cute little maid costume of his cosplaying dreams. Like any smart human being, he left before Tsuna could even wake up.

It was a sunny Sunday morning when Hayato opened the door to find two maids and their service cart standing outside of his door. One was the easily recognizable Ieyasu, but the other was entirely unfamiliar. He wrinkled his brow and glared down at the stranger.

"Who are you?" He growled. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm Ie-kun's maid teacher. My name is Rebekko." The stranger said in a high-pitched voice. She was a beautiful, but stern looking maid with brunette hair neatly pulled into a bun. Her outfit was significantly less frilly than Ieyasu's, with a longer skirt to match its serious aura.

Hayato put her age down to be about mid twenties to early thirties. There was a certain nasal pitch to it that was familiar to these Japanese suburbs. A local, then. A Maid Instructor sounded ridiculous, but she really did look like the kind of maid you'd expect to be a maid instructor. He let them both in. They ooh'ed and ahh'ed over his tiny apartment, tsked at all the unpacked boxes he had shipped over, and loudly critiqued his taste in shoes.

"Are you done now?" He asked with an impatient tap of his feet.

"No!" The soon to be Vongola Decimo replied. Ieyasu put his hands on his hips with his slender legs spread out into an assertive stance. Hayato looked away. That skirt was way too short to be considered decent. It really did look like a cutsey custom maid cosplay tailored to fit. Noticing his gaze, Rebekko added proudly that their dresses were made out of "top-notch material as only the best will do". Even maids could be like this, apparently.

"And it never gets dirty!" The blond boy added brightly, "no matter how many faces you kick in or how many times you tackle somebody and roll around in the dust, the dirt and blood just comes clean off in the wash! Ah, but we do have to send it in for dry cleaning though and the dry cleaning guy always looks at Mom weird whenever that happens."

Hayato didn't want to know. He wanted them to get out, but he was too afraid to say so. From the way the Decimo picked up his heaviest boxes and moved them around, that pretty boy could probably break him like a toothpick. It stung Hayato's pride to admit it, but if Decimo hadn't been on drugs during their fight, he probably would've won.

"...do you need help cleaning?" He finally asked.

Decimo refused as "I'm a professional maid now with certification and everything" and a screenshot to prove it. Hayato gave up and let him and Rebekko get to it while he turned around and made lunch. When he finished, the room had become sparkling clean. Cleaner than when he'd first rented it, even.

"Wow your room's pretty cool. I like all the alien and witchcraft stuff. I've been learning some witchy stuff on the side too. Want to see my tarot cards?"

Rebekko ignored the occult talk around her as she enjoyed Hayato's homemade lunch. "Ieyasu-kun should learn from Gokudera-kun," she said in a prim voice.

Even with these cheap ingredients, it was clear that out of all his family, all of the cooking ability had gone to him. With luck, Ieyasu might pick something up and make some decent Italian for a change. Reborn was sick of Japanese food. The woes of moving to a different country with different cuisine; no matter how used you were to jet setting around the world, you still missed the food of your home country.

Hayato bowed his head humbly. See? He was learning to adjust to this new foreign land after all. As Reborn thought, this kid was good at being flexible. The Sawada Boys' weirdness wouldn't bother him too much, not when he was used to Shamal and Bianchi.

"Yeah," Ieyasu said with an eager nod of the head. "I need to learn how to be a decent bride for Tsuna."

Hayato choked on his juice. Was this the stereotypical anime style 'I love big brother so much I want to be his bride?' in action? Uncertain of what to say, he switched the topic.

'Big Brother' joined them later and together, the three boys unpacked most of Hayato's things. Rebekko opted out, saying that "the master must watch the students now ohoho". As expected, that was when everything went downhill.

Hayato didn't care about that, though. What he cared about was that despite Ieyasu being so helpful this morning, the minute Tsuna came, it was like his brains dribbled out of his ears. Hayato ended up being the one to do the rest of the cleaning instead.

That wasn't what got those two caught, of course.

**What got those two caught was this:**

"You're so cute in this costume Ie…" Tsuna murmured huskily in Ieyasu's ear as his hot hands fiddled with the garter on that slim yet powerful leg. It'd taken him some effort to pull his sweet fiance away from his work and towards the bathroom. Claiming he wasn't sure how to get out this mildew stain was as effective as he'd planned.

"Let go-" Ieyasu hissed "-you can't do this in other people's bathrooms. It's-" he let out a whimper as the older boy's hand dragged up and down his inner thigh "-we're too young! No!" He slapped Tsuna's hand away. Tsuna pouted as he cradled his reddened hand. That hurt.

"You can't do this kind of stuff in other people's bathrooms! It's. not. decent." The blond maid spat as he increased the space between them. Tsuna wanted to play sexually harassing mafia boss and slutty maid and he was ok with that, but not when he was in somebody else's apartment and most certainly not while he was **working**. He had standards.

"And I'm working! I have to be professional! Reborn says-"

"Reborn doesn't know everything-" Tsuna breathed as he pressed his mouth against his. Tsuna's breath was warm, smelling a little too strongly of peppermint. Ieyasu rolled his eyes and shoved him away. The other reared back, hurt. Or at least, pretending to. It'd been a long time since the blond had believed that. The fucking pervert. You give him even a little and he'll take the whole damn blanket.

"Why are you showing moral fiber now, Ie? Can't you wait until it's something else, like I dunno, bullying other people?"

"They were bullying _you,_ " Ieyasu snapped as he readjusted his uniform. A pout appeared on his face when he realized just how ruined it'd become in their struggle for…dominance. "It's different! In my family, it's tradition to bully the bullies bullying your family. Your hand-" he slapped Tsuna's hand away from his skirt. It was like there was some sort of covalent bond between his skirt and that mischievous hand. Annoying! "-get your pervy hand away-" slap "-stoooppp we're gonna get caught. This is against-" kicking out with his leg "-MY MORALS!"

"HIIIIEEEEE!"

There was a dull thud as Tsuna fell back. A crack from when he tumbled into the tub and hit his head against the tiles. A splash from when Ieyasu over corrected himself and accidentally stepped into the toilet water. With a snort, the latter pulled his foot out and tauntingly splashed the dirty water over the still dazzled Tsuna.

There was a brief moment of silence as the unfortunate brunet tried to process what just happened. Upon realizing he was now covered with dirty toilet water, the other began to scream.

"Stop being such a baby. It's not like you haven't been in worse."

"THAT WAS THEN, THIS IS NOW! THIS IS DISGUSTING! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?"

"DON'T BE A DAMN PERVERT NEXT TIME YOU ASSHOLE!"

From the other side of the door, Hayato averted his eyes and pretended he hadn't heard the entire thing through his apartment's paper-thin walls. The sanctity of his bathroom had been despoiled as easily as Ieyasu in his cute maid outfit. As usual, Sawada Tsunayoshi was hard to deal with.

"I'm never using that place again. There's a nearby bathhouse and as for the toilet…the neighbors can deal."

Rebekko smacked him with her feather duster, the slave driver. "Get back to work, Mister! I'm not the best Maid Tutor in the World for nothing!" She scolded in her high pitched voice.

"Yes, yes, Maid-sama."

Why was he the one cleaning now? That was the biggest issue Hayato had with this entire situation, not whatever the hell those two were getting up to. Yet Tsuna, upon realizing what had happened- that everybody else overheard him, his wailing, and his cute sweetheart's sexy moans -felt so self conscious he had to inflict even more mortification upon everybody else. Look, at this point, both Italians were ready to pretend this thing never happened. It wasn't as if Hayato didn't expect it. He knew a pervert when he saw one.

* * *

"Anyways," that pervert Sawada Tsunayoshi said as he pulled back with a cough, "we're not related so it's definitely not incestuous or anything, no matter what certain parties say. They're willfully misunderstanding and I won't-"

"Can we move on now?" Ieyasu said with a cross of his arms. There was a dirty look on his face, as if he'd been forced to look at a bloated corpse that he now had to get rid of. Hayato would know. It'd happen to him many times before.

"No! I have to explain it clearly since everybody keeps misunderstanding! They keep insisting that we're related and that our love cannot exist, but it's a trick! It's so they can keep my adorable-" Ieyasu smashed his head into the table.

"You can go now, Hayato." He said loudly as Tsuna began to flail.

Hayato knocked his head against the ground. "Many thanks for your mercy, Decimo!" It was all genuine. Everything he said to this guy was genuine. Despite his crazy, the Vongola Heir was a merciful person after all.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm awesome. Now go before we both suffer."

"Yes! Yes! Thank you!" Another low bow.

"Ugh. Just go already."

Hayato gladly and gratefully fled. Then he realized after about half an hour later that that was his apartment. He'd left them in his apartment. Once the realization hit, blood drained out of his face. He'd just left two horny teenagers in his apartment. Not only that, but he'd left a pervert with his potential boss. _His potential boss who was dressed in a maid outfit._

He sprinted back to his apartment. With his heart pounding and his mind running with anxious 'what if's' and 'what the hell am I gonna do's', he slammed open the door. Ieyasu looked up. He'd already changed out of his maid costume into a pair of jeans and was vacuuming the floor as his head bopped up and down to the music blaring from his phone.

As for that pervert, he was tied up, gagged, and then thrown to the corner to rot.

"You didn't…you didn't…oh thank God." Hayato collapsed on the ground in gratitude.

Decimo shrugged. "He wasn't helping. Since I'm your subordinate right now, I have to do a good job."

Tsuna sat up at alert, mumbling something through his gag. The blond cold-heartedly kicked him to the side. "If you're not going to make yourself useful, then don't bother, Useless Tsuna." He made a rude hand gesture when the other made protesting noises.

"Where…where are you from? That's something Europeans do."

"Huh? I'm from Italy, but I've traveled through other countries in the EU and stayed in a few for a while."

Hayato felt lied to. He felt betrayed. Decimo wasn't even Japanese? Then what was HE here for? Any of those random Italian guys could've bonded with the new boss over a shared culture!

"Why am I even here if you're not even Japanese? I'm-" he faltered at the sudden attention heaped upon his shoulders "-my quarter Japanese blood. My mom was half, although she was adopted and-"

Reborn cut him off with a drop-kick. "Don't be stupid, Gokudera Hayato. Obviously I chose you because you were qualified."

The relief hit Hayato more surely than the ocean's waves. Ashamed at the tears, yet having no way to dam them back up again, he knelt on the ground and watched as the tears fell and fell and fell. A hot wave of shame hit him at crying so openly, but there was nothing he could do save hide his tears and hope nobody spoke of it. It was stupid. There was no reason to...so why was he crying with such heavy tears?

When Hayato began to cry, Ieyasu handed him a handkerchief and returned to his vacuum. He did not laugh at him nor did he ever bring it up again. If there was a certain softness in his eyes later, then it was one that was unremarked upon.

It was another small kindness Hayato experienced; the handkerchief and tactfulness that followed. Even years later, he would remember it as the moment his heart began to change. He would keep the handkerchief amongst his most prized possessions and there it would remain, even long after his death.

* * *

"By the way...where's Rebekko-sama?" Hayato finally asked after an hour of peaceful cleaning had passed. Rebekko-sama was Rebekko-sama because she was scarier than anybody he'd ever met in his entire life.

"Oh," Reborn said airily, "she had somewhere she had to be so I took her place."

"What happened…?" _Did you murder her?_

"Only I can tutor Psycho Ie. Besides that...I still haven't disciplined you properly for calling me that disrespectful name, Gokudera Hayato. Signore Shithead, was it?" There was a flicker of amusement in Reborn's black eyes as he watched the other immediately move into a dogeza.

"...please have mercy on me, Reborn-sama."

There was the sound of a dying vacuum engine as a dark shadow fell over the bowing figure. Sawada Ieyasu's blue sneakers came into view.

"You've got a lot of guts, Hayato Gokudera." Hayato looked up. There was a mischievous grin on the other boy's face. "Signore Shithead indeed. I like that in a person."

He stretched out his hand. Hayato took it.

* * *

**EXTRA SCENE:**

This was a question Hayato finally managed to ask during lunch break. He and Decimo were sitting across from one another, sharing Decimo's desk and ignoring the huddled group of admirers watching from outside the classroom. This was usually when they started speaking in Italian instead of Japanese, in hopes that nobody would understand. Tsunayoshi had disappeared up towards the roof as he always did around lunchtime. That person's one virtue was that he wasn't a stalker, just a pervert.

"So the Sawada Main House, Boss, what's it like?"

Ieyasu frowned; there was a dark look on his face. Hayato sputtered out his apologies. It seemed he touched a sore topic. His boss swatted him lightly on the head.

"Stop that. You're my subordinate so you need to carry yourself like my subordinate. Your actions reflect on me, my actions reflect on you. Don't apologize for things that aren't your fault."

"Sorry, Boss."

"If you keep doing that, I'm going to say sorry back." He threatened. "Anyways, the Sawada Main House is…what do you think they'd be like?"

There was a moment of silence before Hayato realized he could speak. It was different, being the official subordinate of Decimo. There were different expectations and rights, all of which was clearly outlined to him. It was a hundred times better under him than his previous commander.

He ventured a guess. "Is the Sawada Main House...like in Anime? Those rich old traditional houses?"

"That's…yes. Kind of? They're the family of Primo's bride, after all."

Hayato nearly choked on his own bottled water. "That legendary monst-I mean, woman!?" His boss smirked knowingly.

"You were just going to say monster or monstrous, weren't you?"

"..."

"It's ok, I won't tell Tsuna. He gets defensive about her sometimes. He's been reminding Reborn that Primo married into their family, not the other way around ever since he started teaching me about the First's Generation. They're-" a well done imitation of Tsuna's voice "-only a branch, ok? We are the root. There's a difference." He rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Family's family no matter how high up or low it is. A family's fortune can rise in the span of a generation and fall in one too."

Decimo folded his arms behind his head and leaned back in his chair. "It's fun and important and all- bloodlines -and there's power in knowing where you come from, but I dunno. I've always thought that sooner or later, we'll all die the same so it's not like matters too much or anything."

"Yup." Hayato said as he drained the last of his water. He put it aside so that he could throw everything away when he and the Boss were both done. "It's all the same in the end so it's useless to fuss about it."

"Money and lineage can't make up for being a dumbass." Ieyasu agreed.

See, this was a man Hayato could get behind.


	8. Challenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hayato experiences the dream of every old school anime fan: a martial art's challenge. Hibari dies of laughter.

**Author's Note:** The last thread. Please let me know what you think of the characterization. Tsuna's especially. He turned out more Mafia Boss!Tsuna than I originally intended. Ironically, the Mafia Boss!Tsuna story I was working on in private ended up becoming more of a hapless, dorky Tsuna.

And yes, Ieyasu is taller than Tsuna right now. It's like Morticia Addams standing next to Gomez, height wise.

 **Edit 6/8/19:** Cleared up some lines. Added a few lines to flesh out characterization. All you need to know is that according to Hibari, Ieyasu has a sexy side and Tsuna would kill if it meant nobody else but him heard it.

* * *

**Chapter 8: Challenge**

Hayato found it in his shoe locker: a vertically long white envelope only ever seen in anime. The sight of it caused palpitations in his heart, a mixture of excitement and curiosity. The novelty of being in Japan and seeing what he saw on the screen, of learning a different language and culture, and of finally experiencing what he had only ever dreamed of back in that old apartment with worn out walls...

Finally! That time had come. His time had come. His chance to experience what it was like for all those shounen manga characters! To be part of an existence greater than himself. He snatched up the envelope and opened it with such force he nearly ripped it in half.

"Whoops." He muttered as he held it up to the light. A sliver of light came through between the two rough edges. Like puzzle pieces, he slotted the two sides together. It was then that he noticed the conscientious and firm calligraphy and despaired.

"This is all in Japanese! I feel so betrayed. My anime experience…"

"What's wrong?" Ieyasu asked as he trotted down the hallway. Wherever he passed, people gave him a wide berth. Not because he was a holy figure, but because there was another boy behind him. A boy with narrow eyes, black hair, and a bright red armband.

Gokudera flapped the two pieces around. Ieyasu's eyes lit up like stars. He leaned forward to get a closer look.

"Is that a challenge letter?" He squealed. "I want one too! It's just like an anime!"

The black haired boy snorted. "You weebs. Now hand it over little juniors."

Seeing who it was, Hayato startled a bit. He hadn't even heard the other person arrive. Decimo didn't seem to mind this person's presence, but he couldn't relax.

Red Armband put out his hand. It was so demanding that Hayato automatically bristled at it. It was only Decimo's grounding presence and the warmth of his hand on Hayato's shoulder that prevented him from pulling out his dynamite.

"Oh!" Decimo exclaimed. "I haven't introduced you two! Hayato, this is Hibari Kyouya, the head of the Disciplinary Committee, which makes him Head Prefect. He's really good with his tonfa and big on respect. Hibari-senpai, this is Gokudera Hayato, who's really gutsy and interesting. He's one of mine now."

Hayato flushed a bit at the glowing recommend. Hibari scrutinized the new transfer student. Sawada Ieyasu was as clever as ever. With that introduction, Hayato now knew Hibari's specialty, his position within the school (with added clarification), and what to do to get on his good side. In comparison, all the prefect knew from this exchange was that Gokudera was gutsy, interesting, and one of Sawada Ieyasu's. The former was to tickle his curiosity. The latter was a firm statement. He would protect Gokudera if he had to, shield him if he must, and teach him if he did something wrong. If Hibari ever had a problem with something Gokudera Hayato did, then Sawada Ieyasu would take responsibility.

Hibari nodded in recognition.

When your leader treated you with respect before others, invested in you, and took the time to introduce you to the right people, it changed how people looked at you. By doing this, Ieyasu ensured his senior would remember this person (and perhaps not beat him up as roughly as he would a regular student).

"He looks smarter." Hibari said as he glanced at Ieyasu. Gokudera wasn't the first person Reborn tried to recruit, but he was the only one Ieyasu accepted and supported of his own free will. The rest had all become your run of the mill underlings. Gokudera, sensing something had passed between the two, said nothing...a far cry from the loud mouth that disrupted the classroom his first day. Sawada Ieyasu worked fast.

Mildly approving at this sign of growth, Hibari turned to Gokudera, making sure to look him in the eye. "Now hand over the letter little Junior. You'll find that there's a certain hierarchy here."

Ieyasu snorted.

"Did I say something funny, Sawada Ieyasu?"

Sawada Ieyasu smirked. "You're a really cool senior, you know?" He cooed, in the kind of tone that Hibari's mother had always warned him to stay away from. The kind of tone that would have Sawada Tsunayoshi committing murder if it meant nobody else got to hear it. "Really~ helpful~!"

It was gross, but Hibari shook his head and ignored the nonsense of an incomprehensible person. If he let Ieyasu get to him, his blood pressure would be through the roof. Worse, he would win and that automatically meant Hibari would lose. He beckoned for the challenge letter again.

"Now. I won't ask again."

Hayato handed it over; he recognized good advice when he saw it. This guy was the tonfa psycho who beat the shit out of two kids just because Sawada Tsunayoshi asked him to. Whenever Hibari-senpai passed through the hallways, everybody scattered. Whenever he spoke, people listened. If Hayato wanted to get in good with his Decimo, if he wanted a shot at being Right Hand, then he'd have to learn and learn well.

Hibari took it and pieced it together without batting an eye. As his eyes scanned the writing, a strange thing occurred. First, it was his trembling shoulders, then his whole body began to shake as if moved by an unseen force, and finally, a strange, ominous sound came out of his mouth. A low, gasping sort of sound. The students flooding in to grab their things all stopped and watched with wide eyes as the feared Disciplinary Chairman punched a nearby locker while an endless stream of cackling came sailing out of his mouth.

Laughing. The DisCom chairman was _laughing._

Like frightened rabbits, the students shuddered as one. They looked away and went back to their business, pretending they hadn't seen a thing. When they left, it was in an orderly line, their heads bowed as they sent mass texts to their classmates, warning them of their cackling chairman.

"Sawada Tsunayoshi is an interesting person." Hibari smirked. "And by interesting, I mean lame. This is so lame! It belongs in a museum." His eyes creased in amusement. He turned to Gokudera. "You should frame this, make a few photocopies, and give the copies to me. Then I can embarrass him with it."

"Such a bully…" Ieyasu muttered with an affectionate shake of his head. The prefect let it slide. "Don't agree before you let him read it to you, Hayato."

"What does it say?"

"Gokudera Hayato, word of your exploits have reached my ears…"

The two nodded. That sounded suitably dramatic.

"...of how you manhandled and tarnished my precious-" Hibari's smirk began to warp. His fingers tightened around the old fashioned rice paper. "-my darling…I can't finish this. What does he think this is? Ranma 1/2? What a loser! I bet Mochida helped him with this...anyways, go to the baseball fields before practice after school." He handed the letter back to its rightful owner and walked off, snickering to himself. "And tell me how it goes," he commanded, "I want to know how he's embarrassed himself this time."

Tall Pompadour peeled away from behind a nearby set of lockers and followed after. He looked mildly disapproving. His low voice was scolding.

"Kyo-san, when others are earnestly trying their best, don't make fun of their hard effort…your mother said…"

"…what a herbivore. Such a loser, I can't even…can you blame me?"

"Kyo-san. That's no good! How would you feel if…"

Their hushed words trailed off as they disappeared down the hallway. Hayato carefully folded up the two bits of paper and inserted it into his envelope. He really treasured this new memory. On the side, Ieyasu scratched his nose.

"I wonder what it said, Hayato…ah! It's gonna bother me for sure!"

"You didn't know what it said? But shouldn't you understand it by now?"

"I only understand clear handwriting, since I've only been here for a few years. Even then, it's not enough to want to pay attention to that-" he jabbed at finger at the dramatic calligraphy. The paper crinkled.

"Japanese is so fucking complicated," Hayato groused in Italian as he kicked a nearby locker. "C'mon Decimo, we're late." Decimo bounded behind him, chattering in the same language.

"Tell me about it! There's so many unsaid rules when you're interacting with people, I want to die every time I have to socialize. Whenever I don't know what to say, I smile and let the sun hit my hair so I look good and then kind of…disappear. I wanna see you kick Tsuna's ass, by the way. You have my full permission to blow him up to kingdom come."

"Decimo," Hayato said in exasperation, "don't bully your lover. It'll make him hate you."

"Ha! Tell him to stop pushing me then. He acts like I kicked him every time I say no to anything, even if it's to let him take a bath first. Let me tell you what he did last week, you won't believe it…"

By the time they found the meeting spot, Hayato was ready to hunt down some perverted asshole.

* * *

The challenge began as expected.

Sawada Tsunayoshi was waiting out in the baseball field. His short, spiky haired silhouette was leaning up against a chain linked fence. He was on his phone, wondering what was taking them so long.

By the time Hayato and Ieyasu got out of the building, they had already circled around the school four to five different times. Tsuna's ear twitched at the sound of their bickering.

"I told you it was right!"

"We already went that way before! If you only let me ask for directions..."

"No! I can do it myself!"

Tsuna looked up. There was a slow cock to his head that nearly looked deliberate."Did you get lost again, Ie? You know you can always text me."

"No! I don't need it and I certainly-" Ieyasu scowled at Hayato "-do not need a map. If I get lost, I can always jump out a window and climb onto the roof!"

Hayato made a noise of disgust.

"This is why everybody knows you, Ie, and not in a good way."

"At least it's better than being Dame-Tsuna!"

Before this could turn into another couple spat that degenerated into heated make-outs (in public), Hayato spoke up and saved everybody. He was eager to start the challenge and kill-I mean, warn, the Decimo's perverted boyfriend once and for all.

"Let's…get to the challenge."

The challenge was fairly orthodox:

There was Hayato and his serious face as he declared: "Perverted losers like you aren't worthy for the Decimo! YOU'LL TOUCH HIM OVER MY DEAD BODY!"

There was Tsuna running around trying to dodge the bombs, shouting "hiiieee! That was on accident! An accident! I swear my hair just fell in while I was-" more explosions "-don't destroy the school! What is wrong with you? Where is your consideration for our community."

There was the peanut gallery watching as the two destroyed the field behind the baseball field: "Huhu Hibari's gonna kill you, Tsuna. You dumbass. I told you he uses bombs."

"What are you gonna do if Tsuna wins, Ieyasu?" Reborn asked.

"Oh that's easy, Professor. I'm probably gonna go dig a hole and die or maybe become a hermit somewhere."

"As long as you become Vongola Decimo the Hermit, I don't care what you do." With that statement of pure and deep teacherly love, Reborn settled in to watch the show. The show ended with a dogeza.

In the end, Gokudera overestimated himself. His triple bomb attack couldn't even take off before the dynamite was falling all around him, hissing. Tsuna put them out one by one. Upon seeing this selflessness, the newcomer fell to his knees.

"PLEASE FORGIVE MY IMPUDENCE! YOU ARE INDEED A MAN WORTHY TO BE DECIMO'S HUSBAND AND PROTECTOR!"

"I don't need anyone to protect me!" Ieyasu hissed. There was a flat look on his face and had he ears, they might have been lowered against his skull. He began to roll up his sleeves, ready to knock some sense into people.

"Hush." Reborn said. "Let him defend you ever once in a while. It keeps us men happy."

"I WILL FOLLOW YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH, but only after Decimo, of course…since I'm Decimo's subordinate."

"Um...no." There was a sly smile on Sawada Tsunayoshi's face. "You're mine, which means Ieyasu's mine too. You lost. Vongola rules, isn't it?"

"Urk!" Hayato had forgotten…he made a counter-declaration to Tsuna's original challenge, all of which hinged on his ability to win. He'd been so used to being on his own he hadn't realized that there was somebody he had to protect now. The original challenge had been over Ieyasu in the first place, but due to his own thoughtlessness...his face turned a sickly shade of green. Now he was Tsuna's subordinate, which also meant…his boss...he gritted his teeth. With a fierce battle cry and all the valor of a man ready to lay down his life for his friend, he stood between his boss and that deranged pervert. "DECIMO! Run! I'll-I'll hold him off!"

Tsuna looked affronted. "I'm not an evil person, you know."

Reborn pulled his fedora over his head. He pulled out a gun much too large for a baby of his size. "As long as Dame Tsuna remembers our last…chat." He said as he patted his gun. "It shouldn't be a problem, Gokudera."

"Don't worry about it, Hayato. You're still my subordinate because he challenged you over me, not the other way around." Ieyasu turned to Tsuna and crossed his arms, looking deeply unamused. "Vongola rules dictates that in the event of a situation like ours, you have to use Hayato as the go-between. You have to order him to order me. **So…Tsuuu-kuuun.** " He drawled out Tsuna's childhood nickname for emphasis. **"What the hell are you doing?** "

Tsuna stared at his feet and mumbled something about cat ears.

"You know, you could just ask instead of getting everybody involved in our personal life."

There was something awfully interesting about the ground.

"I hate it when you do this to me." Ieyasu complained.

More mumbling.

"Speak up! Look up!" He barked. "What are you? Ten? You're a grown man! Speak up for yourself or someone will do it for you!"

Tsuna looked up, but averted his eyes. "...I'm sorry honey...I'll do better next time."

"And?"

"I won't use Hayato like this anymore."

"That's not good enough! What have we been working on?"

"Communicate," Tsuna said dully, "don't manipulate."

"That's more like it! So what do we do?"

Tsuna turned around and apologized to Gokudera.

* * *

As it turned out, Tsuna was not shameless enough to let a third unrelated party know just how he liked to see his bride. He told Gokudera to ignore the entire thing and pretend it never occurred. This was something Hayato was eager to do. Nobody ever wanted to get involved with the Boss's marital life. That was just asking for trouble.

In short, the only thing that changed was that he was a lot more respectful towards Tsuna now.

"It's only right," Hayato grunted, "since you're the Boss's wife now."

Tsuna opened his mouth to correct that, but upon seeing Ieyasu's expression, closed it with a snap. His bride had finally agreed to wear cat ears of his own volition. There was no way he was going to ruin that for himself.


End file.
